Even in absurdity, sacrament. Even in hardship, holiness. Even in doubt, faith. Even in chaos, realization. Even in paradox, blessedness
links open windows | email me at lightenin' speeds
Hey, original t-shirts for sale!
|
bird on the moon
weblog
books
all the pictures
call me moonbird
Donate: |
"Life expands or shrinks in proportion to one's courage." ~Anain Nin
Viddy Thursday: Look Around You Germs jaybird found this for you @ 20:08 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Viddy Thursday: Look Around You Water jaybird found this for you @ 14:07 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Viddy Thursday: Look Around You Maths jaybird found this for you @ 08:06 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Satire: 6/10 Changed Everything Run for your lives - America is under attack! Just days ago three prisoners at Guantanamo Bay committed suicide in a savage assault on America's freedom to not care about prisoner suicides! Oh sure, the "Blame Atrocities First" crowd will tell you these prisoners were "driven to despair," that they "had no rights," that they were "held and tortured without due process or judicial oversight in a nightmarish mockery of justice." But what they won't tell you is that they only committed suicide as part of a diabolical ruse to trick the world into thinking our secret torture camp is the kind of secret torture camp that drives its prisoners to commit suicide! This fiendish attempt to slander the great American institution of the gulag is nothing less than an act of asymmetrical warfare against the United States - a noose is just a suicide bomb with a very small blast radius, people! - and when faced with a terrorist attack, America must respond. Giblets demands immediate retaliatory airstrikes on depressed Muslim torture victims throughout the mideast! "Oh but Giblets there are dozens of innocent prisoners in Guantanamo" you say because you are a namby-pamby appeasenik who suckles at the teat of terror. Well if these Guantanamo prisoners are so innocent then what are they doing in Guantanamo? Sneaking into our secret military prisons as part of an elaborate plot to make it look like we're holding them in our secret military prisons, that's what! And once they get there they can chain themselves to the floor, break their bones on helpless guards' fists, and waterboard themselves to their heart's content to further their sinister Salafi scheme to sully the reputation of secret American torture facilities everywhere! jaybird found this for you @ 16:55 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Heh: Kneel Before Zod  When I first came to your planet and demanded your homes, property and very lives, I didn't know you were already doing so, willingly, with your own government. I can win no tribute from a bankrupted nation populated by feeble flag-waving plebians. In 2008 I shall restore your dignity and make you servants worthy of my rule. This new government shall become a tool of my oppression. Instead of hidden agendas and waffling policies, I offer you direct candor and brutal certainty. I only ask for your tribute, your lives, and your vote. jaybird found this for you @ 13:02 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
dangerous emissions Burning a flag seems innocent enough, right? I mean, after all, it's just a material thing used to represent ideals, right? You're not really setting fire to freedom, patriotism, freedom, liberty, or freedom, right? WRONG. When you burn an American flag, freedom particles and liberty molecules are released into the atmosphere. "But, Andy, don't we want more freedom and liberty in the air?" You'd think that, wouldn't you? Releasing freedom and liberty sounds great in a symbolic kind of way, but the truth of the matter is sobering. We only have so much freedom and liberty to go around. That's right. Like fresh water or fossil fuels, only so much liberty and freedom exists on Earth. If you're burning an American flag, you're wasting a precious, limited resource. And that's only part of the story. Freedom particles and liberty molecules, once released into the atmosphere, will interact with other types of particles, ones which will cause the creation of unstable, mutated and dangerous compounds. After speaking with a number of scientists, I compiled a list of the most dangerous particles, which when combined with freedom, spell disaster for our country. Heathen particles - Released during everyday sinning jaybird found this for you @ 11:32 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
all gods considered  In the Beginning... I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design to be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design. Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him. jaybird found this for you @ 08:02 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Animal Reviews: The Cat The team has observed that baddies in films (and possibly in real life too) favour the cat over any other mammal as an illustrative prop to demonstrate their power over others. These cats are often decked head to paw in diamonds, and are usually fairly well mannered in temperament (seemingly in an attempt to create a dramatic contrast to the volatile nature of the kitty's owner). So that makes them excellent. jaybird found this for you @ 11:12 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
The Yes Men  That said, the Acceptable Risk™ paradigm is no magic bullet, and cannot fix everything. The Bhopal catastrophe of 1984 was so extreme that risk adjustments just wouldn't have mattered. It's good it happened in India and not in Vermont, but even if it had happened in the Congo, there would have been huge market stress. Dow is gratified by the SEC's recent ruling that shareholder pressure groups can't interfere with the way we approach such ongoing problems, but that certainly doesn't make these skeletons golden. Before embarking on any enterprise with such huge potential effects, we must weigh the factors by hand very carefully. jaybird found this for you @ 08:54 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Discovering April Fool's a litte late There has been a small outbreak of “zombism” in a small town near the border of Laos in North-Eastern Cambodia. The culprit was discovered to be mosquitoes native to that region carrying a new strain of Malaria which thus far has a 100 percent mortality rate and kills victims in fewer than 2 days. After death, this parasite is able to restart the heart of its victim for up to two hours after the initial demise of the person where the individual behaves in extremely violent ways from what is believed to be a combination of brain damage and a chemical released into blood during “resurrection.” Cambodian officials say that the outbreak has been contained and the public has no need to worry. jaybird found this for you @ 15:23 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
my fake pyramid  USDA hopes the updated food pyramid, MyPyramid, will help to ease much of the confusion that has come from so-called "doctors" and "scientists" claiming that their independent, repeatable experimentation has shown red meat, processed foods, agrichemicals and irradiation to be unhealthy for people and the planet. Many of USDA's top officials have worked in the Agribusiness industry, providing the expertise necessary to develop a pyramid that best represents the truth about healthy eating -- it's not what happens to the food before it gets to your table, but simply that you eat substantial servings of all foods -- Following these guidelines will help ensure the health of American families while guaranteeing the health of Agribusiness Corporations around the world. jaybird found this for you @ 20:55 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Bill Maher All right, it's time for New Rules, ladies and gentlemen. Ready. New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men... New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done. New Rule: I don't need an annoying little sticker on each individual piece of fruit. Let me get this straight: our borders aren't secure, but we're still going through the plums by hand? You know, those stickers are the opposite of appetizing, especially the one on kiwis that says, "Don't these kind of look like your balls?" jaybird found this for you @ 14:33 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
There is only God, unless there is more than one God Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States! Too long has your attention been waylaid by the bright baubles of extremist thought. Too long have fundamentalist yahoos of all religions (except Buddhism -- 14-5 vote, no abstentions, fundamentalism subcommittee) made your head hurt. Too long have you been buffeted by angry people who think that God talks to them. You have a right to your moderation! You have the power to be calm! We will use the IED of truth to explode the SUV of dogmatic expression! People of the United States, why is everyone yelling at you??? Whatever happened to ... you know, everything? Why is the news dominated by nutballs saying that the Ten Commandments have to be tattooed inside the eyelids of every American, or that Allah has told them to kill Americans in order to rid the world of Satan, or that Yahweh has instructed them to go live wherever they feel like, or that Shiva thinks bombing mosques is a great idea? Sister Immaculate Dagger of Peace notes for the record that we mean no disrespect to Jews, Muslims, Christians or Hindus. Referred back to the committee of the whole for further discussion. jaybird found this for you @ 10:32 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
it's not napping, it's art.  
jaybird found this for you @ 16:05 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Unscientific Unamerican There's no easy way to admit this. For years, helpful letter writers told us to stick to science. They pointed out that science and politics don't mix. They said we should be more balanced in our presentation of such issues as creationism, missile defense and global warming. We resisted their advice and pretended not to be stung by the accusations that the magazine should be renamed Unscientific American, or Scientific Unamerican, or even Unscientific Unamerican. But spring is in the air, and all of nature is turning over a new leaf, so there's no better time to say: you were right, and we were wrong. In retrospect, this magazine's coverage of socalled evolution has been hideously one-sided. For decades, we published articles in every issue that endorsed the ideas of Charles Darwin and his cronies. True, the theory of common descent through natural selection has been called the unifying concept for all of biology and one of the greatest scientific ideas of all time, but that was no excuse to be fanatics about it. Where were the answering articles presenting the powerful case for scientific creationism? Why were we so unwilling to suggest that dinosaurs lived 6,000 years ago or that a cataclysmic flood carved the Grand Canyon? Blame the scientists. They dazzled us with their fancy fossils, their radiocarbon dating and their tens of thousands of peer-reviewed journal articles. As editors, we had no business being persuaded by mountains of evidence. jaybird found this for you @ 11:36 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
the frog and the peach DM: We'd like to ask Sir Arthur actually about his rather unique PC: Good evening. DM: Good evening. If you would tell us something about it, Sir. Arthur. PC: Yes, well, ah, the idea for the Frog and Peach came to me in the DM: These premises, in fact. PC: In these precise premises. Good evening. jaybird found this for you @ 15:42 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
i didn't do it FBI agents have traced another airline laser incident to a gay nightclub, this one in Dallas, TX. Last year, after pilots began complaining of laser beams penetrating their cockpits, investigators linked the green beams to gay nightclubs around the country, where laser wielders use the green rays to shine a light on club ‘hotties.’ jaybird found this for you @ 15:03 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Repeat after me: Lion. Lion. Eat. Eat. jaybird found this for you @ 14:14 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
I'm entitled to be silly: Your legs look extra strong on this barf-textured couch print. jaybird found this for you @ 19:21 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
jaybird found this for you @ 18:08 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
A Soon-to-be-lame-duck has a conversation with Bill Cosby, on the moon. "It will make you feel good!" jaybird found this for you @ 17:45 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
This Bible You Sold Me This Bible You Sold Me Is Clearly Defective and I'd Like to Return It, Please. The printer must have run out of black ink, because a bunch of it is in red. At no point does it tell what the middle initial "H" in our Savior's name stands for. jaybird found this for you @ 14:05 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Happy Friday: it's gnomez folks Happy Friday: it's gnomez folks (flash) jaybird found this for you @ 22:07 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Keillor: We're Not in Lake Keillor: We're Not in Lake Wobegon Anymore: How did the Party of Lincoln and Liberty transmogrify into the party of Newt Gingrich's evil spawn and their Etch-A-Sketch president, a dull and rigid man, whose philosophy is a jumble of badly sutured body parts trying to walk? (via Robin) jaybird found this for you @ 12:03 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Reliable sources: al-Qaeda plans to Reliable sources: al-Qaeda plans to drop gay bombs (It's raining men! Halleluia it's raining men!) Extremist Muslim scientists are developing a bomb that turns anyone within a 30-mile radius of its blast into a homosexual, say U.S. Intelligence insiders. "It's all a part of the Al Qaeda master plan to pull our country apart and kill the patriotism that makes us strong." Children will sob: "Why is Daddy moving the furniture and who is Judy Garland?" jaybird found this for you @ 21:53 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Ursula Accepts Nomination  Woodfin, NC- Ursula the Cat accepted the Puss Party's nomination for President of the United States today at the nation's first ever Catvention, held inside a comfy cardboard box by the hole in the fence. Unanimously nominated also was her running mate and main competitor for food-dish access, Avatar, the country's first openly gay and feline Vice Presidential nominee. The delegates, which consisted of a beheaded grasshopper, a previously chewed stick of gum, an ambitious flea and a very liberal grass clipping, expressed their desire for candidates worthy of bringing radical change to American politics. United under the banner "cutefying America," the conspicuously non-feline delegates held fast nonetheless to the Puss Party's platform by choosing the duo: In her nomination speech, Ursula implored her revolutionary footsoldiers onward by meowing, scoffed at main competitor Ralph Nader by hissing, and concluded by coughing up a hairball with contained her human's sock bits. Avatar was busy chasing raindrops and promised the attendees he will accept his nomination by presenting them with another beheaded grasshopper. Twinkleface, the team's campaign manager and hallucinatory holographic orb, released this statement in honor of the day's historic event: "The Puss Party has bravely demonstrated that they are the party of unity, diversity, and incomprehensible cuteness by choosing two of the most substantive, charismatic and fluffy creatures on Earth to lead America out of a recession, out of war, and into a cuter, prettier, paradigm. I dare Ralph Nader to lick this Puss with his evil monster Cthulhu, and he'll be forced with John Kerry and George Bush to beg for soymilk in mercy!" She then trailed off, distracted by a solar neutrino that had collided with a nearby tachyonic particle, which created nothing really as a result. Stand by with the Birdonthemoon.com Official Catpaign Blog for the latest in the road to the White House Solid Oak Litter Box. jaybird found this for you @ 19:12 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
No, not again! Yes, again No, not again! Yes, again (well, sort of, Flash) jaybird found this for you @ 18:52 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Magical Trevor [flash] Magical Trevor [flash] jaybird found this for you @ 20:05 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Friday scary-flash spook-a-thon: The Minister Friday scary-flash spook-a-thon: The Minister of Fear jaybird found this for you @ 18:53 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Osama bin LOTTO!!! [via Easybake Osama bin LOTTO!!! [via Easybake Coven] jaybird found this for you @ 16:25 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
OK. OK. I'll do it! OK. OK. I'll do it! Ladies and Gentlepersonns, lock up your children to protect them from Testicle Theater jaybird found this for you @ 22:27 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
1500 year old jokes Although Although The Laugher Lover is the oldest surviving example, joke-books already had a long pedigree. According to Athenaeus 614d-e, Philip the Great of Macedon had paid handsomely for a social club in Athens to write down its members' witticisms. At the dawn of the second century BCE, Plautus twice has a character refer to joke-books. An incompetent astrologer cast a boy's horoscope and said: "He will be a lawyer, then a city-official, then a governor." But when this child died, the mother confronted the astrologer: "He's dead -- the one you said was going to be a lawyer and an official and a governor." "By his holy memory," he replied, "if he had lived, he would have been all of those things!" jaybird found this for you @ 07:44 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Blast Off to Democracy! [dialup Blast Off to Democracy! [dialup or broadband, Quicktime req'd]... the second installment of the Partisan Jab project. Remember the Ashcroft fear remix? jaybird found this for you @ 10:50 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
My Cat is Running for President Part II 
Feline Candidate Announces Running Mate Woodfin, NC- Not to be overshadowed by the Democrats, Ursula the Cat announced her running-mate for the US presidency while attempting to eat a fallen leaf on the sunny deck of her home. Attending the rally were a gnat, a few startled houseplants, and the ghost of "Lambchop." Among recent candidates in speculation for the number two spot were a a patch of dirt, her human's left sandal, a brick that holds up the hibachi, and her food dish. Her housemate Avatar, known for his fondness of watching the toilet flush and the Backyard Production of "Cat on a Rather Warm Piece of Cardboard," won out over the competition. "Um, okay..." was the reaction of the human owned by Ursula and Avatar, Mr. Jay Joslin, currently off work due to pink eye. "My concern is that Avatar's incessant pleading for cheese will cause some members of the voting public to question his readiness for the nation's second highest office. Begging isn't a statesmanlike quality, but he's cute, especially when his tongue sticks out, so whatever." The team's campaign manager Twinkleface, an interdimensional and invisible ball of light, had a different opinion: "Avatar is ready for the job and is qualified to the hilt. What human-centric detractors see as begging for cheese is actually a struggle to demand equal rights and fair access to resources. He is a tireless advocate for the proletariat, while maintaining his chosen lifestyle of fabulosity and charm. He's an outside the Beltway candidate for those willing to think outside the litterbox." Pundits, however, note several key differences in the duo. Conservative blogger Andrew Sullivan, writing on today's edition of the Daily Zealot, states that "big green eyes and a simpering meow won't win this election. Avatar is a peacenik and pure bleeding heart liberal. No way can Ursula justify this choice, she should've gone for the brick. At least that can be used as a weapon against All The Evil People Out To Get Us in case of terrorism on US soil." Bill O'Reilly struck a more personal tone: "Gay cats are against Jesus. The French will love him" Twinkleface defends the Ursula-Avatar '04 campaign before bouncing off for the cats' Victory Tour of various shady places, including the key swing constituency of the muddy crawlspace; "You know, I'm tired of all these Washington blowhards and their pandering platitudes for what the underestimate to be a gullible America. These cats bring to an otherwi |
