Even in absurdity, sacrament. Even in hardship, holiness. Even in doubt, faith. Even in chaos, realization. Even in paradox, blessedness
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"Life expands or shrinks in proportion to one's courage." ~Anain Nin
Viddy Thursday: Look Around You
Viddy Thursday: Look Around You
Viddy Thursday: Look Around You
Satire: 6/10 Changed Everything
Run for your lives - America is under attack! Just days ago three prisoners at Guantanamo Bay committed suicide in a savage assault on America's freedom to not care about prisoner suicides! Oh sure, the "Blame Atrocities First" crowd will tell you these prisoners were "driven to despair," that they "had no rights," that they were "held and tortured without due process or judicial oversight in a nightmarish mockery of justice." But what they won't tell you is that they only committed suicide as part of a diabolical ruse to trick the world into thinking our secret torture camp is the kind of secret torture camp that drives its prisoners to commit suicide! This fiendish attempt to slander the great American institution of the gulag is nothing less than an act of asymmetrical warfare against the United States - a noose is just a suicide bomb with a very small blast radius, people! - and when faced with a terrorist attack, America must respond. Giblets demands immediate retaliatory airstrikes on depressed Muslim torture victims throughout the mideast!
"Oh but Giblets there are dozens of innocent prisoners in Guantanamo" you say because you are a namby-pamby appeasenik who suckles at the teat of terror. Well if these Guantanamo prisoners are so innocent then what are they doing in Guantanamo? Sneaking into our secret military prisons as part of an elaborate plot to make it look like we're holding them in our secret military prisons, that's what! And once they get there they can chain themselves to the floor, break their bones on helpless guards' fists, and waterboard themselves to their heart's content to further their sinister Salafi scheme to sully the reputation of secret American torture facilities everywhere!
Heh: Kneel Before Zod
When I first came to your planet and demanded your homes, property and very lives, I didn't know you were already doing so, willingly, with your own government. I can win no tribute from a bankrupted nation populated by feeble flag-waving plebians. In 2008 I shall restore your dignity and make you servants worthy of my rule. This new government shall become a tool of my oppression. Instead of hidden agendas and waffling policies, I offer you direct candor and brutal certainty. I only ask for your tribute, your lives, and your vote.
Burning a flag seems innocent enough, right? I mean, after all, it's just a material thing used to represent ideals, right? You're not really setting fire to freedom, patriotism, freedom, liberty, or freedom, right? WRONG.
When you burn an American flag, freedom particles and liberty molecules are released into the atmosphere. "But, Andy, don't we want more freedom and liberty in the air?" You'd think that, wouldn't you? Releasing freedom and liberty sounds great in a symbolic kind of way, but the truth of the matter is sobering. We only have so much freedom and liberty to go around. That's right. Like fresh water or fossil fuels, only so much liberty and freedom exists on Earth. If you're burning an American flag, you're wasting a precious, limited resource.
And that's only part of the story. Freedom particles and liberty molecules, once released into the atmosphere, will interact with other types of particles, ones which will cause the creation of unstable, mutated and dangerous compounds. After speaking with a number of scientists, I compiled a list of the most dangerous particles, which when combined with freedom, spell disaster for our country.
Heathen particles - Released during everyday sinning
all gods considered
In the Beginning...
I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design to be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.
Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.
Animal Reviews: The Cat
The team has observed that baddies in films (and possibly in real life too) favour the cat over any other mammal as an illustrative prop to demonstrate their power over others. These cats are often decked head to paw in diamonds, and are usually fairly well mannered in temperament (seemingly in an attempt to create a dramatic contrast to the volatile nature of the kitty's owner). So that makes them excellent.
The Yes Men
That said, the Acceptable Risk™ paradigm is no magic bullet, and cannot fix everything. The Bhopal catastrophe of 1984 was so extreme that risk adjustments just wouldn't have mattered. It's good it happened in India and not in Vermont, but even if it had happened in the Congo, there would have been huge market stress. Dow is gratified by the SEC's recent ruling that shareholder pressure groups can't interfere with the way we approach such ongoing problems, but that certainly doesn't make these skeletons golden. Before embarking on any enterprise with such huge potential effects, we must weigh the factors by hand very carefully.
Discovering April Fool's a litte late
There has been a small outbreak of “zombism” in a small town near the border of Laos in North-Eastern Cambodia. The culprit was discovered to be mosquitoes native to that region carrying a new strain of Malaria which thus far has a 100 percent mortality rate and kills victims in fewer than 2 days. After death, this parasite is able to restart the heart of its victim for up to two hours after the initial demise of the person where the individual behaves in extremely violent ways from what is believed to be a combination of brain damage and a chemical released into blood during “resurrection.”
Cambodian officials say that the outbreak has been contained and the public has no need to worry.
my fake pyramid
USDA hopes the updated food pyramid, MyPyramid, will help to ease much of the confusion that has come from so-called "doctors" and "scientists" claiming that their independent, repeatable experimentation has shown red meat, processed foods, agrichemicals and irradiation to be unhealthy for people and the planet. Many of USDA's top officials have worked in the Agribusiness industry, providing the expertise necessary to develop a pyramid that best represents the truth about healthy eating -- it's not what happens to the food before it gets to your table, but simply that you eat substantial servings of all foods -- Following these guidelines will help ensure the health of American families while guaranteeing the health of Agribusiness Corporations around the world.
All right, it's time for New Rules, ladies and gentlemen. Ready. New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men...
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule: I don't need an annoying little sticker on each individual piece of fruit. Let me get this straight: our borders aren't secure, but we're still going through the plums by hand? You know, those stickers are the opposite of appetizing, especially the one on kiwis that says, "Don't these kind of look like your balls?"
There is only God, unless there is more than one God
Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States! Too long has your attention been waylaid by the bright baubles of extremist thought. Too long have fundamentalist yahoos of all religions (except Buddhism -- 14-5 vote, no abstentions, fundamentalism subcommittee) made your head hurt. Too long have you been buffeted by angry people who think that God talks to them. You have a right to your moderation! You have the power to be calm! We will use the IED of truth to explode the SUV of dogmatic expression!
People of the United States, why is everyone yelling at you??? Whatever happened to ... you know, everything? Why is the news dominated by nutballs saying that the Ten Commandments have to be tattooed inside the eyelids of every American, or that Allah has told them to kill Americans in order to rid the world of Satan, or that Yahweh has instructed them to go live wherever they feel like, or that Shiva thinks bombing mosques is a great idea? Sister Immaculate Dagger of Peace notes for the record that we mean no disrespect to Jews, Muslims, Christians or Hindus. Referred back to the committee of the whole for further discussion.
it's not napping, it's art.
There's no easy way to admit this. For years, helpful letter writers told us to stick to science. They pointed out that science and politics don't mix. They said we should be more balanced in our presentation of such issues as creationism, missile defense and global warming. We resisted their advice and pretended not to be stung by the accusations that the magazine should be renamed Unscientific American, or Scientific Unamerican, or even Unscientific Unamerican. But spring is in the air, and all of nature is turning over a new leaf, so there's no better time to say: you were right, and we were wrong.
In retrospect, this magazine's coverage of socalled evolution has been hideously one-sided. For decades, we published articles in every issue that endorsed the ideas of Charles Darwin and his cronies. True, the theory of common descent through natural selection has been called the unifying concept for all of biology and one of the greatest scientific ideas of all time, but that was no excuse to be fanatics about it.
Where were the answering articles presenting the powerful case for scientific creationism? Why were we so unwilling to suggest that dinosaurs lived 6,000 years ago or that a cataclysmic flood carved the Grand Canyon? Blame the scientists. They dazzled us with their fancy fossils, their radiocarbon dating and their tens of thousands of peer-reviewed journal articles. As editors, we had no business being persuaded by mountains of evidence.
the frog and the peach
DM: We'd like to ask Sir Arthur actually about his rather unique
PC: Good evening.
DM: Good evening. If you would tell us something about it, Sir. Arthur.
PC: Yes, well, ah, the idea for the Frog and Peach came to me in the
DM: These premises, in fact.
PC: In these precise premises. Good evening.
i didn't do it
FBI agents have traced another airline laser incident to a gay nightclub, this one in Dallas, TX. Last year, after pilots began complaining of laser beams penetrating their cockpits, investigators linked the green beams to gay nightclubs around the country, where laser wielders use the green rays to shine a light on club ‘hotties.’
Repeat after me: Lion. Lion. Eat. Eat.
I'm entitled to be silly: Your legs look extra strong on this barf-textured couch print.
Canadian authorities have arrested US President George W. Bush and charged him with offences under Canada's War Crimes Act. “This decision was not made lightly. But, it was also a decision that was impossible not to make. The United States is not outside the rule of law, and cannot expect to get an unlimited “free pass”. This decision puts a grave strain upon both our nations, and I urge calm and restraint from our American neighbours, as well as from Canadians. I have met with the cabinet, and with our colleagues in the House. This is a time of great crisis for us as a nation. But as people, we will survive this test. Earlier I enacted the Emergency War Powers Act. This is necessary to guarantee our domestic security. This is not a time for panic, for lawlessness, for anything other than a responsible and sobre focus on what lies immediately ahead..." Speculations on the American response run the spectrum from one analyst’s prediction of an all out American invasion of Canada to a more restrained pin-point rescue mission of the President. Whatever course of action is decided upon all experts are in agreement that the war in Iraq has so weakened the American military that it could be some days before the United States is ready to field a large scale military response.
"It will make you feel good!"
This Bible You Sold Me
The printer must have run out of black ink, because a bunch of it is in red. At no point does it tell what the middle initial "H" in our Savior's name stands for.
Happy Friday: it's gnomez folks
Happy Friday: it's gnomez folks (flash)
Keillor: We're Not in Lake
Keillor: We're Not in Lake Wobegon Anymore: How did the Party of Lincoln and Liberty transmogrify into the party of Newt Gingrich's evil spawn and their Etch-A-Sketch president, a dull and rigid man, whose philosophy is a jumble of badly sutured body parts trying to walk? (via Robin)
Reliable sources: al-Qaeda plans to
Reliable sources: al-Qaeda plans to drop gay bombs (It's raining men! Halleluia it's raining men!)
Extremist Muslim scientists are developing a bomb that turns anyone within a 30-mile radius of its blast into a homosexual, say U.S. Intelligence insiders. "It's all a part of the Al Qaeda master plan to pull our country apart and kill the patriotism that makes us strong."
Children will sob: "Why is Daddy moving the furniture and who is Judy Garland?"
Ursula Accepts Nomination
Woodfin, NC- Ursula the Cat accepted the Puss Party's nomination for President of the United States today at the nation's first ever Catvention, held inside a comfy cardboard box by the hole in the fence. Unanimously nominated also was her running mate and main competitor for food-dish access, Avatar, the country's first openly gay and feline Vice Presidential nominee. The delegates, which consisted of a beheaded grasshopper, a previously chewed stick of gum, an ambitious flea and a very liberal grass clipping, expressed their desire for candidates worthy of bringing radical change to American politics. United under the banner "cutefying America," the conspicuously non-feline delegates held fast nonetheless to the Puss Party's platform by choosing the duo:
In her nomination speech, Ursula implored her revolutionary footsoldiers onward by meowing, scoffed at main competitor Ralph Nader by hissing, and concluded by coughing up a hairball with contained her human's sock bits. Avatar was busy chasing raindrops and promised the attendees he will accept his nomination by presenting them with another beheaded grasshopper.
Twinkleface, the team's campaign manager and hallucinatory holographic orb, released this statement in honor of the day's historic event:
"The Puss Party has bravely demonstrated that they are the party of unity, diversity, and incomprehensible cuteness by choosing two of the most substantive, charismatic and fluffy creatures on Earth to lead America out of a recession, out of war, and into a cuter, prettier, paradigm. I dare Ralph Nader to lick this Puss with his evil monster Cthulhu, and he'll be forced with John Kerry and George Bush to beg for soymilk in mercy!" She then trailed off, distracted by a solar neutrino that had collided with a nearby tachyonic particle, which created nothing really as a result.
Stand by with the Birdonthemoon.com Official Catpaign Blog for the latest in the road to the White House Solid Oak Litter Box.
No, not again! Yes, again
Magical Trevor [flash]
Magical Trevor [flash]
Friday scary-flash spook-a-thon: The Minister
Friday scary-flash spook-a-thon: The Minister of Fear
Osama bin LOTTO!!! [via Easybake
Osama bin LOTTO!!! [via Easybake Coven]
OK. OK. I'll do it!
OK. OK. I'll do it! Ladies and Gentlepersonns, lock up your children to protect them from Testicle Theater
1500 year old jokes Although
Although The Laugher Lover is the oldest surviving example, joke-books already had a long pedigree. According to Athenaeus 614d-e, Philip the Great of Macedon had paid handsomely for a social club in Athens to write down its members' witticisms. At the dawn of the second century BCE, Plautus twice has a character refer to joke-books.
An incompetent astrologer cast a boy's horoscope and said: "He will be a lawyer, then a city-official, then a governor." But when this child died, the mother confronted the astrologer: "He's dead -- the one you said was going to be a lawyer and an official and a governor." "By his holy memory," he replied, "if he had lived, he would have been all of those things!"
Blast Off to Democracy! [dialup
My Cat is Running for President Part II
Feline Candidate Announces Running Mate
Woodfin, NC- Not to be overshadowed by the Democrats, Ursula the Cat announced her running-mate for the US presidency while attempting to eat a fallen leaf on the sunny deck of her home. Attending the rally were a gnat, a few startled houseplants, and the ghost of "Lambchop."
Among recent candidates in speculation for the number two spot were a a patch of dirt, her human's left sandal, a brick that holds up the hibachi, and her food dish. Her housemate Avatar, known for his fondness of watching the toilet flush and the Backyard Production of "Cat on a Rather Warm Piece of Cardboard," won out over the competition.
"Um, okay..." was the reaction of the human owned by Ursula and Avatar, Mr. Jay Joslin, currently off work due to pink eye. "My concern is that Avatar's incessant pleading for cheese will cause some members of the voting public to question his readiness for the nation's second highest office. Begging isn't a statesmanlike quality, but he's cute, especially when his tongue sticks out, so whatever."
The team's campaign manager Twinkleface, an interdimensional and invisible ball of light, had a different opinion: "Avatar is ready for the job and is qualified to the hilt. What human-centric detractors see as begging for cheese is actually a struggle to demand equal rights and fair access to resources. He is a tireless advocate for the proletariat, while maintaining his chosen lifestyle of fabulosity and charm. He's an outside the Beltway candidate for those willing to think outside the litterbox."
Pundits, however, note several key differences in the duo. Conservative blogger Andrew Sullivan, writing on today's edition of the Daily Zealot, states that "big green eyes and a simpering meow won't win this election. Avatar is a peacenik and pure bleeding heart liberal. No way can Ursula justify this choice, she should've gone for the brick. At least that can be used as a weapon against All The Evil People Out To Get Us in case of terrorism on US soil." Bill O'Reilly struck a more personal tone: "Gay cats are against Jesus. The French will love him"
Twinkleface defends the Ursula-Avatar '04 campaign before bouncing off for the cats' Victory Tour of various shady places, including the key swing constituency of the muddy crawlspace; "You know, I'm tired of all these Washington blowhards and their pandering platitudes for what the underestimate to be a gullible America. These cats bring to an otherwise bland contest charisma and a level of experience no one else can claim- that of dust bunnies, window sills, and claw sharpening. Can Bush or Kerry offer the same?"
Neither camp has yet responded, but the Nader organization is considering summoning Cthulhu for strategic advice.
Report on Resistentialism A convenient
A convenient point of departure is provided by the famous Clark-Trimble experiments of 1935. Clark-Trimble was not primarily a physicist, and his great discovery of the Graduated Hostility of Things was made almost accidentally. During some research into the relation between periods of the day and human bad temper, Clark-Trimble, a leading Cambridge psychologist, came to the conclusion that low human dynamics in the early morning could not sufficiently explain the apparent hostility of Things at the breakfast table - the way honey gets between the fingers, the unfoldability of newspapers, etc. In the experiments which finally confirmed him in this view, and which he demonstrated before the Royal Society in London, Clark-Trimble arranged four hundred pieces of carpet in ascending degrees of quality, from coarse matting to priceless Chinese silk. Pieces of toast and marmalade, graded, weighed, and measured, were then dropped on each piece of carpet, and the marmalade-downwards incidence was statistically analysed. The toast fell right-side-up every time on the cheap carpet, except when the cheap carpet was screened from the rest (in which case the toast didn't know that Clark-Trimble had other and better carpets), and it fell marmalade-downwards every time on the Chinese silk. Most remarkable of all, the marmalade- downwards incidence for the intermediate grades was found to vary exactly with the quality of carpet.
My Cat is Running for President
Woodfin, NC-- A feline resident of Buncombe County announced her intention to run for the nation's highest office just after coughing up a hairball. She will run as an independent and lists her platform thusly:
The owner of the cat, mild-mannered and mostly naked Jay Joslin, was taken by surprise by the announcement. "I'd just signed up to host a house party for John Kerry when she threw up and meowed in a way that suggested... that she wanted to be president." When asked if his cat's political opinions agree with his own, Joslin said: "Well, she's definitely a leftist, but it's clear that her ideas of social welfare, like a constantly filled food bowl, occasionally conflict with my needs or food funding. She has to get a better grasp on economics."
Will America take to a feline, and female, candidate? "She's bold, butch, and a mass of muscle and well-toned fat. Whether it's licking her butthole or opening the bathroom door, she gets the job done," says her campaign manager, an imaginary ball of light called Twinkleface. The non-existent sphere of antimatter also went on to say that Ursula is ready to debate both Bush and Kerry on security issues, and come out on top. "Ursula's foreign and domestic security policy is practical and trumps both Bush and Kerry's corporate influences and namby-pambyism. If a cat comes through a hole in the fence, chase them out. If Ursula needs to go through the fence, no other cats should stop her, because she's Ursula. That's American interventionism in a nutshell. PLus, her recent buzz-cut would bring out some military votes."
Ursula is widely expected to tap her co-resident of Mr. Joslin's apartment, the famously gay and dovish cat Avatar, as her vice-presidential running mate. While they don't see whisker-to-whisker on several issues, including who has the right to be in the bathroom with Mr. Joslin while having a 'sit-down,' the pair provide a contrast that Twinkleface thinks the American electorate will respond to. "We are ready for an alliance that crosses ethic (Avatar is Persian in origin), gender, and overly anthropomorphized divides. With Ursula-Avatar 2004, America has a choice; four white men, or two cute cats with more combined mental power than a dozen penguins," said Twinkleface, as it dashed off into another dimension in it's dual-role there as a dragon's booger.
Ursula is due to be on the campaign trail after she awakens from her nap. The planned route is around the backyard, on top of a car, and through the hole in the fence. Bush and Kerry were unavailable for comment.
In the spirit of Friday
In the spirit of Friday poetry (because I'm presently about the do the sound for a poetry concert), Hello Kitty Has No Mouth.
Hello-Kitty, in fact, uses Morse code to communicate with the outside world. You may have heard of the book Johnny Got His Gun, in which a soldier was so badly wounded that the only communication he had with the outside world was by tapping Morse code with his head.
That soldier was Hello-Kitty.
I'm in a very silly
I'm in a very silly mood tonight... thus: Public Service Announcements, slightly reeeeeeeeeemixed. (mpg format)
c monks has some thoughts
c monks has some thoughts on events in the news
Happy Flag Day! I love flags. Flags rock. Doesn't matter what kind of flag it is either, I love them all. The US flag is actually kind of overrated. Too busy. How many frickin' stars and stripes does one flag need anyway? Still, it's a flag, so I love it! I wish I could put flags up everywhere around my house. Just, you know, flag this mutha out. It'd be awesome. I'd have like ten flags in the living room and nine in the kitchen. My house would be the flaggiest house in the neighborhood. That would be awesome.
You really need to watch
You really need to watch the Ashcroft Fear Remix (QT .mov, 6megs of amazing satire filmmaking).
Get your own Drag Queen
Get your own Drag Queen Doll, missy!
Figure this one out: Primate
Figure this one out: Primate Poker
Our mission is to generate profitable revenues from the continuous execution of winning online poker strategies.
Remember the late 19th centure
Remember the late 19th centure absynthe chugging melancholy alchemist August Strindberg? Probably not. Here's a not-so-accurate-but-funny account of his life and time in Flash, with help from an elemental:
Good Morning. Register for the
Good Morning. Register for the draft, please.
Girls gone bad! Drag queens
Girls gone bad! Drag queens steal cars for travel to pageants
A band of cross-dressers has been stealing cars from dealerships around Alabama to drive throughout the Southeast to competitions for men who parade on stage in women's clothing, police said... Investigators have recovered Acuras, Nissans, Volkswagens, Lincoln Navigators and others. Inside those cars, they found dealership pamphlets, business cards and more car keys. More often than not, they also found makeup, women's clothing and pageant trophies...
In lieu of poetry I
In lieu of poetry I could write tonight, I give you toilet stall poetry: The Writings on the Stall
Love is like a snowmobile racing across the tundra;
Friday silliness: Fruit Fly
Friday silliness: Fruit Fly Fight Club
Researchers bet on fruit fly fights to expose underlying biology of aggression
Top 100 April Fool's Day
#1: The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest
Something Awful presents, in the
Something Awful presents, in the worst taste possible, "Advertisements of the Christ."
"When you have the passion for great shampoo." [pg. 2]
Bush Introduces Homo Alert System
President Bush on Thursday announced the creation of a new alert system that will allow the country to know current risk levels of homosexuality at any given time. The system will coordinate risk factors with current US intelligence to determine the level of risk homosexuals pose to modern civilization as we know it.
Funny: Emo Philips makes cole
Funny: Emo Philips makes cole slaw.
Social Theorists meet Lego: Butler,
Social Theorists meet Lego: Butler, Giddens, McRobbie & Foucault turn to plastic.
This is bad/sad/hysterical: SoCal city
This is bad/sad/hysterical: SoCal city falls victim to Internet hoax, considers banning items made with water
City officials were so concerned about the potentially dangerous properties of dihydrogen monoxide that they considered banning foam cups after they learned the chemical was used in their production. Then they learned that dihydrogen monoxide - H2O for short - is the scientific term for water.
The Exorcist in 30 seconds
The Passion of the Christ:
Assorted Jews: Crucify him!
Pontius Pilate: I am innocent of the blood of this just – [knocks over bowl of water, which spills down steps] oh, [bleep].
Jesus Christ: [smiling] Good one, Hristo.
Pilate: Nice crown, Jim.
Good News [via MeFi] Scientists
Good News [via MeFi]
Scientists all round the world today went home for a nice cup of tea after a revolutionary breakthrough explained everything. The new unified theory (NUT) unites science and religion, explains genetics, the origin of the universe, quantum phenomena, and provides the first instant cure for a hangover in human history.
What if Jung and Freud
What if Jung and Freud had an intimate moment?
Notes I've Left on My
Notes I've Left on My Kitchen Appliances as Written by My Kitchen Appliances by utter wonder's Christopher Monks
Japanese Phrases You'll Need to
Funny ha-ha: Bush campaign pledges
"After years of false statements and empty promises, it's time for big changes in Washington," Bush said. "We need a president who will finally stand up and fight against the lies and corruption. It's time to renew the faith the people once had in the White House. If elected, I pledge to usher in a new era of integrity inside the Oval Office."
You do know this is satire, right?
Margaret Cho: You are one
Margaret Cho: You are one monkey head used Lipton tea bag.
How Now, Brown Cow? from
How Now, Brown Cow? from Sounding Circle:
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
Our current Terror Alert Level
Our current Terror Alert Level is Oscar. Really.
Cartoon Laws of Physics Certain
Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space.
Is It the Flu? by
Dust is the most prevalent household allergen. Maybe you could stand to vacuum your place a little more often? I'm not saying it's dust bunny central over there or anything, but...oh, alright; who are we kidding? Let's be upfront with each other for once in our lives: you have some serious non-vacuuming issues. There's freakin' dust everywhere.
my cat annie A wonderful
A wonderful video extravaganza of an eccentric cat. Recommended for high bandwith. [via Geisha Asobi]
Friends foil Olympia man's
Friends foil Olympia man's home
A lone book titled "Cruel Tricks for Dear Friends" was untouched. But nearly everything else in Chris Kirk's downtown Olympia apartment was encased in aluminum foil when he returned home Monday night from a trip to Los Angeles.
Satire: Accept Jesus Christ and
Call our church office and we will provide you with simple instructions on how to use your parents' credit card to charge a love offering over the phone. Don't worry if you can't find a credit card. We can teach you how to use one of your daddy's checks to do an automatic draft withdrawal (which will get you free shipping and an extra game disk!)
The Bill Hicks Bootleg archive
I consider Rev. Bill a prophet with comedian as an added bonus. I'm posing this here somewhat selfishly so I can get back to it once home in Asheville... missing those mountains already.
Welcome to the strange world
Welcome to the strange world of Shirley Q. Liquor, child.
Queer Eye for the Medieval
Rumsfeld as Seinfeld [flash]
Rumsfeld as Seinfeld [flash]
Weebl and Bob Just do
Just do it. [flash]
Poor People Pretty Much Fucked
According to the results of an intensive two-year study, Americans living below the poverty line are "pretty much fucked," Center for Social and Economic Research executive director Jameson Park announced Monday.
Gadgets for God: The 12
The Six Beer Theory
Taking Humor Seriously via life
Taking Humor Seriously via life in the present
Analyzing humor is a bit like studying a flower-covered banana bike by peeling off its pedals. Before you know it, you've forgotten how to ride it.
Smoke Kills [hysterical flash, possibly
Smoke Kills [hysterical flash, possibly NSFW in a few tiny parts]
Citizen's Self-Arrest Form "I am
"I am under arrest. I have a right to remain silent. Anything I say can and will be used against me in a court of law. I have the right to talk to a lawyer and have him/her present with me while I question myself. If I cannot afford to hire a lawyer, one will be appointed to represent me, if I wish one, before I question myself. If I decide to make a statement, I may stop at any time."
Gothic Miss Manners' Finishing School
Warning the First: Age-appropriate looks, please. Don’t draw all over your face with eyeliner, don’t feel you must wear head-to-toe “I am the Queen of the Night” spooky vampire clothes. Unless, of course, you’ve been dressing that way for years and years anyway and it’s become a personal trademark of yours. Gothic Miss Manners’ daily wardrobe includes a hoopskirt and top hat, so she’s not going to tell you that you CAN’T wear such things, just make sure that the outfit isn’t wearing you, as opposed to you wearing it.
Artist becomes human breakfast A
A performance artist got a taste of modern art when he sank into a bath of baked beans with french fries up his nose and sausages wrapped round his head.
Minimal Porn is presented without
Minimal Porn is presented without further editorial comment, via your good friends at MeFi.
Ut quatiant illas clunes sanas!
Quisblet has translated a famous tune of our culture into Latin:
Magnae clunes mihi placent, nec possum de hac re mentiri!
Just guess before you click the link.
Need a hobby? Try collecting
eBay item 2560827952 (Ends 05-Oct-03
eBay item 2560827952 (Ends 05-Oct-03 18:41:40 BST ) - AIR GUITAR NON ELECTRIC MODEL THIS AIR GUITAR WAS ONCE NOT PLAYED BY THE LEGENDARY ERIC CLAPTON IN HIS MOST RECENT WORLD TOUR
The Deteriorata Go placidly amid
The Deteriorata Go placidly amid the noise & waste, & remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. Avoid quiet & passive persons unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires.
The Powerpuff Girls, of all
The Powerpuff Girls, of all blessed things, as symbolic representations of the Abrahamic religions.
Would you like to meet
Would you like to meet Gaye Males?
In a British Parliamentary by-election
In a British Parliamentary by-election yesterday, there was a surprise upset. It had little to do with the candidacy, however, of Alan Howling Lord Hope (59 crucial votes), current leader of the Monster Raving Loony Party. The Party was founded by the very late Lord Sutch, whose current political activity is unknown. Besides the current California circus, we yanks haven't had a good "hampaign" since this man (we're overdue).
Crossposted to MeFi
In honor of National Talk
In honor of National Talk Like a Pirate Day, I present this link, ye scurvies: fidius.org: What's My Pirate Name? Dirty Tom Flint You're the pirate everyone else wants to throw in the ocean -- not to get rid of you, you understand; just to get rid of the smell. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!
Disturbing elevation of the War
Disturbing elevation of the War on
Talk Like A Pirate Day
Sister vs Mecha-Sister will have
Sister vs Mecha-Sister will have you on the edge of your pew (turn speakers on).
Neil Armstrong - The Truth
Neil Armstrong - The Truth What he really said on the Moon.
6-year-old holding George W. Bush
6-year-old holding George W. Bush Elite Force Aviator Doll hostage Boy’s home is surrounded by Secret Service and Homeland Security-coordinated SWAT forces
Flynt: National Prayer Day for
Flynt: National Prayer Day for Fox News Channel blowhard Bill O'Reilly's death. Check out graphic at bottom.
Playtarot Gallery Major arcana of
THREAT ALERT JESUS
Guest drops trousers at Queen's
Guest drops trousers at Queen's party The Queen got an unexpected view of one of her subjects...
Bill Moyers Interviews Jon Stewart
Bill Moyers Interviews Jon Stewart Of course, our show is at a disadvantage compared to the many news sources that we're competing with - at a disadvantage in several respects. For one thing, we are fake. They are not. So in terms of credibility uh uh - we are, well, oddly enough, we're about even. Doesn't seem like it should be that way, but it is.
I can't believe I've found
I can't believe I've found it: Ali and his Gang vs. Mr. Tooth Decay, a classic bizarre album featuring none other than Muhammed Ali, Lily Tomlin, Jimmy Carter, Howard Cossell and a drunk sounding Ol' Blue Eyes. My friend Dennis had one of these, I guess about 11 years ago. We listened to it constantly, usually while toasted by various means, and I thought the record was all but lost. Not! Check out the mp3, Ali's Historical Theme:
"Who put the crack in the liberty bell? ALI! Who really gave that bell a smack? ALI! Who punched it so hard that the bell did crack, hit it so hard with an awful whack? MUHAMMED ALI! Chorus: Ali's always getting blamed for things he didn't do, just because he like to scrap, and maybe sometimes feud. People want to blame the man, although he wasn't there, maybe we should take a look, the blame could well be shared!"
The blame for what, putting the crack in the liberty bell? Ali just admitted to it! Why share the blame? But then again, his supporters are saying he wasn't there. I'm so confused!
The Incredible Bulk SHOCKED six-year-old
The Incredible Bulk SHOCKED six-year-old Leah Lowland checked out a mystery bulge on her Incredible Hulk doll — and uncovered a giant green WILLY.
Smut: US complains about brothel
What would Xenu do? Scientology
What would Xenu do? Scientology in pictures, circa '76. This will be another blogdex/technorati charttopper, I'm sure. LOL. Squick.
Marla Jennings Christian Realty II
Marla Jennings Christian Realty II "God, you won't find a sinner in this stunning 11BR/13BA show stopper!" kinda sorta via MeFi
Toe wrestling triumph for England
Will Ferrell is oddly selected
Will Ferrell is oddly selected to deliver commencement at Harvard with hilarious consequences: "Students, Faculty, Families and Distinguished Guests, I just want to take time to congratulate you on your outstanding achievement as graduates of the Class of 2002. The great thing about being the Class of 2002 is that you can always remember what year you graduated because 2002 is a palindrome which, of course, is a word or number that is the same read backwards or forwards. I'll bet you're surprised I know that word, but I do. So you can suck on it." link whoring via riley dog
Martha Stweart (Prison) Living... hysterical!
Martha Stweart (Prison) Living... hysterical! via MeFi
Eboo: Ghost In A Jar!
Eboo: Ghost In A Jar! No Joke Serious Inquiry Only And it sold for 53k. I have some mating dust bunnies in a bucket...
Genuine LOL: 3rd Annual Nigerian
Genuine LOL: 3rd Annual Nigerian EMail Conference " am Mr. Laurent Mpeti Kabila, a senior assistant leader of the Revolutionary United Front of Sierra Leone.
I present to you an urgent and confidential request: I request your attendance at The 3rd Annual Nigerian EMail Conference. This is an excellent opportunity to meet your distinguished colleagues, learn new marketing techniques, and spend your hard-earned money. Attending this conference demands the highest trust, security and confidentiality between us."
Virgin sacrifice in Chile halted
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are Copyright 2005 by theodore "jay" joslin and joyous jostling studios. Thank you, Wanderer, for All.
i am jay joslin: a spirit-fed mountain hopping lover of everything, an ordained lefty-veggie-homo, and bon-vivant go-go dancing with all the messenger mockingbirds of morning.
Progressive Voice of the Mountains
Free Radio Asheville
Eclectic Music for Mountain Folks
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Keep it even,
"Not all who wander
You contain everything
Everything contains you
If you desire the Infinite,
look no further than the window.
Ten Considerations for Being Well n this Goofy Universe
0. If you find yourself
wonderstruck, don’t forget to return the favor. 1. Always be of service to
the whole and the Holy. You’ll find that the Holy will reciprocate by being
of service to your becoming Whole. 2. You will be called upon
to use your mind and your vision in ways I cannot possibly glimpse. Never
turn down an offer to shine that light so uniquely yours to help others in
their darkness, and you’ll find that when it’s your turn to be in the night
that there’ll be someone along the way who happens to have a little glow to
share . 3. The rewards of being
true to yourself are infinite, even when outwardly your efforts are met
with nothing. 4. You’ll also see that
knowledge and wisdom will come from within yourself through your own
struggle and curiosity... your loved ones may guide you to insight, but
yours is the power to choose it. 5. You’ll find that some of
your choices could’ve been better, or at times were downright stupid. That’s
okay... I have a closet full of reckless decisions, but without making them
I wouldn’t have the slightest idea of what a good one might feel like if I
tried it on. 6. Your growth will be a
mysterious, comic, ecstatic and sometimes scary ride, and I pray that you
strive to savor each minute of it, even the most difficult or embarrassing
minutes. Don’t count on second chances. 7. In those times when
everything collapses around you, and what’s left won’t go right, don’t
forget your chances of being alive in this solar system, in this galaxy, are
a little on the slim side. So slim in fact that it could be called a miracle
to breathe this air, drink this water, and have whet ever predicament you’re
having no matter how you shake, rattle and roll it. So go with the cosmic
flow and always choose something over nothing, while remembering that
there’s a little of each one hidden in both. 8. Respond as best as you
can with love to adversity rather than reacting with fear... Love, in any
situation and being the primordial source and essence of ALL THIS STUFF,
leaves / enters us with the most possible ways out / in. 9. Whatever you’re doing,
celebrate the process of doing as much, if not more, than what you’ve got
when you’re done. Magic lives in the action. 9 ½ . All matter is energy.
All energy is infinite. We are but raindrops falling to the ocean, a short
time in this shape until we’re reunited with the expanse from which we came.
Your delicate yet sturdy, resilient body is a temporary shelter of energy
that has swam the universe eternally and will continue eternally. You are a
sudden crystallization of the infinite. One must ask themself, therefore,
why be bored? 9 3/4 . Choosing to live in
the moment is courageous but becomes effortless once you begin...feeling
obligated to survive in the past or future is dangerous and is difficult to
continue. It’s one of the few risks I’d recommend not taking, right up there
with trusting icons and shrugging off coincidences. 10. The Universe itself it
not confusing, we humans just like it that way. Do frogs seem bewildered ,
butterflies befuddled and amoebas addled? Nope, just us, my child. So,
whenever things just don’t make sense, just take a deep breath and laugh as
best you can, because that’s what you get for choosing this goofy,
unpredictable place called Earth to embody yourself upon.
0. If you find yourself wonderstruck, don’t forget to return the favor.
1. Always be of service to the whole and the Holy. You’ll find that the Holy will reciprocate by being of service to your becoming Whole.
2. You will be called upon to use your mind and your vision in ways I cannot possibly glimpse. Never turn down an offer to shine that light so uniquely yours to help others in their darkness, and you’ll find that when it’s your turn to be in the night that there’ll be someone along the way who happens to have a little glow to share .
3. The rewards of being true to yourself are infinite, even when outwardly your efforts are met with nothing.
4. You’ll also see that knowledge and wisdom will come from within yourself through your own struggle and curiosity... your loved ones may guide you to insight, but yours is the power to choose it.
5. You’ll find that some of your choices could’ve been better, or at times were downright stupid. That’s okay... I have a closet full of reckless decisions, but without making them I wouldn’t have the slightest idea of what a good one might feel like if I tried it on.
6. Your growth will be a mysterious, comic, ecstatic and sometimes scary ride, and I pray that you strive to savor each minute of it, even the most difficult or embarrassing minutes. Don’t count on second chances.
7. In those times when everything collapses around you, and what’s left won’t go right, don’t forget your chances of being alive in this solar system, in this galaxy, are a little on the slim side. So slim in fact that it could be called a miracle to breathe this air, drink this water, and have whet ever predicament you’re having no matter how you shake, rattle and roll it. So go with the cosmic flow and always choose something over nothing, while remembering that there’s a little of each one hidden in both.
8. Respond as best as you can with love to adversity rather than reacting with fear... Love, in any situation and being the primordial source and essence of ALL THIS STUFF, leaves / enters us with the most possible ways out / in.
9. Whatever you’re doing, celebrate the process of doing as much, if not more, than what you’ve got when you’re done. Magic lives in the action.
9 ½ . All matter is energy. All energy is infinite. We are but raindrops falling to the ocean, a short time in this shape until we’re reunited with the expanse from which we came. Your delicate yet sturdy, resilient body is a temporary shelter of energy that has swam the universe eternally and will continue eternally. You are a sudden crystallization of the infinite. One must ask themself, therefore, why be bored?
9 3/4 . Choosing to live in the moment is courageous but becomes effortless once you begin...feeling obligated to survive in the past or future is dangerous and is difficult to continue. It’s one of the few risks I’d recommend not taking, right up there with trusting icons and shrugging off coincidences.
10. The Universe itself it not confusing, we humans just like it that way. Do frogs seem bewildered , butterflies befuddled and amoebas addled? Nope, just us, my child. So, whenever things just don’t make sense, just take a deep breath and laugh as best you can, because that’s what you get for choosing this goofy, unpredictable place called Earth to embody yourself upon.