Even in absurdity, sacrament.     Even in hardship, holiness.     Even in doubt, faith.     Even in chaos, realization.    Even in paradox, blessedness


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[?]= Seems to be down or on hiatus.
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"Life expands or shrinks in proportion to one's courage."    ~Anain Nin

{ Sunday, 10 October, 2004 }


Not much time to post today. I'm not nervous about the skydive tomorrow, but there's a certain kernel of electric giddiness that's becoming everpresent. I'll find a way to somehow get a post out to describe the experience.

Right now I'm grappling with many examples of perfectly good people who've become more neurotic as time has gone by, which is saddening and perplexing on many levels.

I'm hoping that the rush of the wind and the unfettered view of the Earth tomorrow will loosen some of the frustration and confusion that always comes with trips like this.

A rushing glimpse of freedom in the most unusual of circumstances...

jaybird found this for you @ 14:25 in Somewhere in the WiFi Wilderness | | permalink

{ Saturday, 09 October, 2004 }

I snuck in a little more net time, squandered, alas. I think Delaware is closing now. This is probably a good thing. I'm closing now too.

jaybird found this for you @ 22:57 in Somewhere in the WiFi Wilderness | | permalink


Well, that was interesting. The curse is that it continues to be interesting.

Yesterday was my father's 60th birthday party, complete with bellydancers and all kinds of drunken inanity. I spent a lot of time leaving the party, walking around town, and walking around my memories. At corner of the bar, the debate was on, and for a while, that was an odd refuge from watching my father get progressively drunker. A gentleman came up who had previously identified himself as a conservative activist, and kept trying to goad me into a debate. I politely declined, until at one point pressured to give him one good reason why I as an individual cannot support the [p]resident.

"Because he is supporting a constitutional amendment that will write legal discrimination against a large minority of people into our most treasured nationally binding document. I will not support legal discrimination."

"Well I see," he said, his double chins a'flappin' against eachother to punctuate is vehemence, "you're supporting a Marxist ideology that seeks to undermine the most sacred pillars of our society, you're not an American and thinking like that will only destroy America..."

At which point I turned to him, said that he doesn't know me and how dare he judge me unfit to be an American, that the conversation was over, and turned back to finish off my German beer and watch the debate in peace on a Japanese TV. He grumbled away and proceeded to dance to the rockin' rhythms of a Beach Boys cover, and I told my father that his buddy was an asshole and my time in the bar was growing nigh. He said his friend was a "good Republican" and he's a nice man. Heh.

Delaware, as it always has, is beginning to drain my psychic batteries and erode my spirit. Usually, it does so until there's nothing left, a Zen-like void, to be filled be the cathartic tide of realization and illuminations that come with sighting my mountains again when it's all over. But there's Monday to consider this time. Monday, I jump out of an airplane, and will for a brief moment, experience free fall, the illusion of flight as gravity seeks to draw me back to Earth. I have a feeling that the atmosphere screaming by will illumine and realize my soul in ways I've never considered.

I'm tingling with anticipation.

jaybird found this for you @ 11:45 in Somewhere in the WiFi Wilderness | | permalink

{ Friday, 08 October, 2004 }


That's about all the posting I can get done today. Delaware, Goddess bless it, is decrepit; no free wi-fi hotspots that I can find. Alas. Google says there are a few but do I really want to be absorbed into a Dunkin Donuts reality? Maybe, if I get desparate enough.

Today is my dad's 60th birthday, which hopefully will be kept relatively free of drunken mindlessness. We'll see, fingers crossed. This place has been so overdeveloped that it's amazing that I can find my way anymore, it's frightening.

I'll be back on sometime tomorrow, y'all play nice out there. Oh, and watch Bush get his ass saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacked at the debate tonight, and watch big John suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurge. He's doing very well in the latest electoral projections, and I'll get a new one up by weekend. I heard a report that over 500k newly registered voters in NC are swamping the system. 500k! That's amazing, and just might be a secret weapon of mass democracy in Nov. 2.

jaybird found this for you @ 13:10 in Somewhere in the WiFi Wilderness | | permalink

The geese making alphabets over
These mountains made of humans
Waterfalls of information
These spectacular simulacra of nature
Remind me in their flight over
That we have not yet succeeded
In taming the world,
And may it be never so,
For once tamed, forever dead.
Wildness is what makes us conscious;
That energetic friction between I, Thou, and All-This,
It will not be suppressed by impressive buildings
And displays of engineering,
Wildness will fight to reclaim even the highways
One wayward weed at a time,
But what is natural will not rest,
For she is a vengeful mother.
Removed for the moment from the lush fold of mountain
That has become my shelter
And transplanted to the epicenter of man's brazen attempt
To remake what the elders say took half of infinity to form,
In the image of what?
I am oddly blessed with disdain
For all the damned clutter
That skews the light those geese are praying with feathers for.
This gauntlet of self-important jumble
Retains wonders, though...
The faces in blood relation to my own skin
The memories of a child who created worlds within worlds with a puff of breath
The lessons taught on the surface of the waters running dark and deep
Where the old timers warned of the deadly currents.
I remember here, I put back together elements long since scattered
And in the remembering,
I'm stunned with the life I used to live
I'm aghast in time
When the geese fly over,
When the sparrow chirps on the scaffolding
When the sun and moon align much like they do
Further afield at the outer fringes of paradise
When shooting stars race through my sleep
And context returns,
The panoply of my gods raise up
To untame metropolis
And reclaim in the slightest and grandest of ways
The skies and the seas, the margins and the colossus
For the awe of younger eyes
Past, present, future, NOW.

jaybird found this for you @ 11:32 in Somewhere in the WiFi Wilderness | | permalink

{ Sunday, 03 October, 2004 }

Four Sunday Leaves, Blowing

On the way there, I saw a book torn across the road
Pages of information fluttering helplessly along the margin.
Long shadows fell too, through each of us passing
In a hurry to get into a perfect day,
To merge with a sky slowly darkening in knowledge of what's coming.
If I could scoop the words up, save them, sing them out,
What a giddy and godly jumble that would be.


The paths are strewn with leaves and couples
I breathe deeply...
Just a hopeful, love-hungry fool perusing the fall
Walking through layers of cultural transformation and ruddy surrender
And these lovers, bless them.
I insert my heart parenthetically into all this romance
And find an affair that insists on my name, at last,
And I thank the gods for fantasy just as I would
The lover that will one day dance in golden gleaming with me
His eyes, made entirely of dreams...


We are in the inevitable hands of change
We have let go of mercy and accept total metamorphosis
Beyond control, beyond preference,
Like these paths, now dry and worn with the play
Of the summer now lain to rest, amen.
These hands the hold and mold us
Obliterating forms and birthing the soul's constellations
Are not withholding, but are tender to the substance of our Spirit.
Be the change, say the wise.


It is time to go home,
Time to wander other paths that spiral within
Time to reckon with love from behind glass, a safe distance.
Time to nestle the body into a warm knot, and prepare to awaken
Renewed, transformed, metamorphosed by the season and the subtle art of changing colors.


jaybird found this for you @ 19:49 in Somewhere in the WiFi Wilderness | | permalink

{ Thursday, 30 September, 2004 }

Eye of the Storm


Suddenly, a calm moment. The world stops spinning, the sun resumes its normal descent, an egg of light dropping from a womb of clouds. The road still pulses, but out of sight, out of mind. The barista interrupts, I can't sit here, I need to move on, whether I bought anything on not. Just when I was feeling at home again, a stranger in my town.

In twenty-four hours, my mind became soaked with sensations of a new place, a far cry from my idiom. When I arrived there, I became immediately sick, the alien town became more so, and the delightfully peculiar sensations of newness took on a grayer tone. I struggled to keep my head as it tried to float off in curiosity and for refuge from a body ruled temporarily insane.

A peal of sirens. A crumpled map. A man paralyzed with drink on a city bench. Beautiful people and an acidic skyline. Hare Krishnas feeding free dinners, talk of God and Consciousness. The smell of work. The tremble of leaves in the trill music of autumn. Fatigue. Friends once distant now in embrace. Strange dreams and coincidences. Forgetting about tomorrow. Ancient cats scaling high walls with magic. Tuning out the news.

I am in wonder at the distances we traverse in such little relative time, while we sill grumble over the miles. I am in wonder how a day can never seem to end. I anticipate the eye of the storm to wink, and show laugh-lines in the cooling clouds. I am tired, and within reach of home, and my muscles have already succumbed to sleep. Where I went or why isn't important, it's that my here and there that are perplexed and dizzy. The sights that have colonized the short-term memory, the overheard conversations, the dispensing of duty, so much fancy in the passing sky. What remains is love... the warmth of a friend long unseen and the unparalleled smile through the bare window at the moment of recognition, these supersede any detail. And to that bright curve of lip, I blow a kiss of veneration and thanks.

This tea tastes of the whole orchard. The tree across the way thrives as the whole forest. And these slight weary words, spelled out in a place less foreign yet just as impenetrable, speak for my whole language right now as they say, without a trace of definition, that its good to be here, in the eye of that storm fearful storm called time and place.

jaybird found this for you @ 19:22 in Somewhere in the WiFi Wilderness | | permalink

{ Sunday, 26 September, 2004 }


It's a peace rally; a man is talking about his experiences in surviving homelessness, pigeons are playing in the fountain, and the audience listens in rapt attention to his story. He couldn't stay at the mission, but he held down a construction job for $10 an hour. This is a man who changed his life out of despair. As he speaks, a mockingbird trills atop a lamppost, not singing for spare change.

There are homeless men listening, as he talks about the social injustice of crack addiction. It's hot, but people are sitting patient, as another racing of pigeons flocks by. He's talking about hope. It looks like we all could use that. Guitars, ready for anthemic strumming, glisten in the sun. A leaf falls and lands on my head, that a few minutes ago had mock polar bear ears on them... one had to be there.

It's a lot to explain, but the man speaking is talking about plain truth, and passion, and letting your consciousness take over. Even though the story is jumping all over, nobody's perfect, but some moments, some scenes can be, under a bright blue sky, the clarity of gathering.

jaybird found this for you @ 14:02 in Somewhere in the WiFi Wilderness | | permalink

I'm experiencing this bizarre thing

I'm experiencing this bizarre thing of being online and wireless from a busy Sunday morning coffeeshop... this is too cool!

Overheard: "Give me two reasons we should do this now, and she said, I'll give you three."

"I asked God for forgiveness and I think She was on vacation."

"That man looks like a fire engine!"

This is the beginning of something weird.

jaybird found this for you @ 11:03 in Somewhere in the WiFi Wilderness | | permalink

Web bird on the moon




All material contained within this website, excluding external links and items listed otherwise,
 are registered with Creative Commons. All photographic works, logos, and creative writing

are Copyright 2005 by theodore "jay" joslin and joyous jostling studios. Thank you, Wanderer, for All. 


i am jay joslin: a spirit-fed mountain hopping lover of everything, an ordained lefty-veggie-homo, and bon-vivant go-go dancing with all the messenger mockingbirds of morning. 



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Letter Excerpt:


Ten Considerations for Being Well n this Goofy Universe


0. If you find yourself wonderstruck, donít forget to return the favor.

1. Always be of service to the whole and the Holy. Youíll find that the Holy will reciprocate by being of service to your becoming Whole.

2. You will be called upon to use your mind and your vision in ways I cannot possibly glimpse. Never turn down an offer to shine that light so uniquely yours to help others in their darkness, and youíll find that when itís your turn to be in the night that thereíll be someone along the way who happens to have a little glow to share .

3. The rewards of being true to yourself  are infinite, even when outwardly your efforts are met with nothing.

4. Youíll also see that  knowledge and wisdom will come from within yourself through your own struggle and curiosity... your loved ones may guide you to insight, but yours is the power to choose it.

5. Youíll find that some of your choices couldíve been better, or at times were downright stupid. Thatís okay... I have a closet full of reckless decisions, but without making them I wouldnít have the slightest idea of what a good one might feel like if I tried it on.

6. Your growth will be a mysterious, comic, ecstatic and sometimes scary ride, and I pray that you strive to savor each minute of it, even the most difficult or embarrassing minutes. Donít count on second chances.

7. In those times when everything collapses around you, and whatís left wonít go right, donít forget your chances of being alive in this solar system, in this galaxy, are a little on the slim side. So slim in fact that it could be called a miracle to breathe this air, drink this water, and have whet ever predicament youíre having no matter how you shake, rattle and roll it. So go with the cosmic flow and always choose something over nothing, while remembering that thereís a little of each one hidden in both.

8. Respond as best as you can with love to adversity rather than reacting with fear... Love, in any situation and  being the primordial source and essence of ALL THIS STUFF, leaves / enters us with the most possible ways out / in.

9. Whatever youíre doing, celebrate the process of doing as much, if not more, than what youíve got when youíre done. Magic lives in the action.

9 Ĺ . All matter is energy. All energy is infinite. We are but raindrops falling to the ocean, a short time in this shape until weíre reunited with the expanse from which we came. Your delicate yet sturdy, resilient body is a temporary shelter of energy that has swam the universe eternally and will continue eternally. You are a sudden crystallization of the infinite. One must ask themself, therefore, why be bored?

9 3/4 . Choosing to live in the moment is courageous but becomes effortless once you begin...feeling obligated to survive in the past or future is dangerous and is difficult to continue. Itís one of the few risks Iíd recommend not taking, right up there with trusting icons and shrugging off coincidences.

10. The Universe itself it not confusing, we humans just like it that way. Do frogs seem bewildered , butterflies befuddled and amoebas addled? Nope, just us, my child. So, whenever things just donít make sense, just take a deep breath and laugh as best you can, because thatís what you get for choosing this goofy, unpredictable place called Earth to embody yourself upon.