Even in absurdity, sacrament.    Even in hardship, holiness.    Even in doubt, faith.     Even in chaos, realization.   Even in paradox, blessedness.   

Home of Theodore "jay" Joslin; divinity student, author, wingnut, and queer nature boy. Dedicated to the Unity and Sacredness of All-That-Is, including and especially you.

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April 2003
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04/20/2003 Entry: ""Guess Who's Back?""

I'm guessing the same thing. I suppose it is some semblance of myself that has returned "home," while immersed in what some may view as a dangerous, failed nation, and what I now hold near as a beautiful, desparate yet hopeful place. Words are still not flowing quite as the did before... things are taking time to settle in, if I ever will settle. Haiti was like a doorway... I'm on the other side of it now and the view of my life, of myself, is remarkably different.

I can't begin to explain what, who, and where I experienced this, that, and the other things. What I can say right now is that all twelve of us have been deeply impacted by the culture of a resilient people, the otherworldliness of an impoverished island so close to America's so-called "wealth," and by a plethora of newness that cascades over the senses at every turn. I've had spiritual experiences that are the energetic equivalent of french kissing a light socket; sandals blown off of my feet by sights and sounds that spin the soul out of the body and into cosmic.

Time it will take to really be able to spill the rice and beans, fried plantains and mango magic that still swirl in my brain, though time in Rainbow Country is pretty useless. You wake up with the sun and the echoes of a thousand roosters, and sleep when the moon has hookwinked you into yawning. It wasn't all coconut juice and blue waters though; I've had to face some of the most challenging emotions, new ones, and face fears and perceptions that are no easy match. I've held children and babies marked for death, ran crying from a room full of skin and bones shaking and heaving with pain, navigated broken streets choked with sewage, and touched the grounds soaked with blood of thousands of tortured slaves. Yet, in the midst of spiritual carnage, like birdsong a message kept drifting into every shocking encounter that sang out "every little thing's gonna be alright." That's something I'm willing to believe, with all my heart and soul, and something I'm willing to work for, in their lives and mine.

Some genuinely amazing things happened. On Sunday I presented a worship service to the guests and rescued street kids of St. Joseph's Home in Port au Prince... just before I spoke my right shoulder was squeezed from an invisible hand. The same service was coordinated with a youth named Jackie who does not speak English, and I am barely above the level of hack when it comes to French and Kreyol. It was a miracle that we pulled it off! The theme... "Three Little Birds: Universal Love, Infinite Inseperability, and Living Extraordinarily." The next day was a whole other affair, caught in the middle of a rara ( Voudoun ) procession and witnessing a man go into full fledged posession by the loa Ayizon right in front of me. He drew an X on the ground with a machete inches from my feet and a few other folks in the group, hypnotized and a little anxious at the sudden turn of events. We chased a rainbow down a mountain afer bathing in a pool protected by nocturnal mermaids that have won the respect of the local villagers. Even more wild and amazing was making genuine connections with a people badly in need of recognition, and love.

And so, I'm back, and I will let sotires slide out as my memory unfurls itself and attempts to sail away back to the island. I'm in a state of reverse culture shock; America is mind-numbingly complicated and wasteful when returning from a "third world" country. We have a lot to give back and to return to those amazing people. It's going to be a major part of who I am now; reciprocity, walking in balance and living in thankfulness for what I have. That's just what I can fill the nutshell with now. The implications are staggering, and I'm ready for whatever comes my way.

I'd like to thank Joshua, Robin and Jenny-Snookums for housekeeping here at the ol' hokestead while I was away. Thanks for leaving the light on. I'm geared up to get back on this binary chain gang and start digging away for some inkling of personal or universal truth here in this quasi-world of electronic information. Thanks also to Donna, Jackie, Chris, Betty, Hannah, Emilie, John, Jeff, Rose, Windsor, Risa, Ivan, Ari, Carla, Michael, Djaloki, and my new friend Roni for all their energy, love and support that made this dream a living, breathing act of creation that will keep on, no matter what it takes. Other dear souls Lazar, Peterson, Patrice, Gandolphine, Nancy, and many, many others; you are included in my love, always. And to you, dear reader, who has trudged this far on the sappy shores of my sentimentality... thanks. Tout bagay anfam.

It's good to be "back," but better to push on ahead. Tally Ho!

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jay/Male/26-30. Lives in United States/North Carolina/Woodfin/New Bridge, speaks English and French. Spends 40% of daytime online. Uses a Normal (56k) connection. And likes creativity/mysticism.
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United States, North Carolina, Woodfin, New Bridge, English, French, jay, Male, 26-30, creativity, mysticism.

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