Even in absurdity, sacrament.    Even in hardship, holiness.    Even in doubt, faith.     Even in chaos, realization.   Even in paradox, blessedness.   

Home of Theodore "jay" Joslin; divinity student, author, wingnut, and queer nature boy. Dedicated to the Unity and Sacredness of All-That-Is, including and especially you.


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March 2003
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Digging the Immaterial;
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Saturday, 22 March, 2003...........................................................

Anti-War Around the Globe.

Here in Asheville, NC we had a group of around one hundred, sometimes more, gathered at Pack Square. I was there for about an hour, watching with fascination at the antagonism and crudeness of the pro-war group across the street. They seem to equate dissent with disloyalty, and displayed such vitriol and ignorance towards us in rude and abrasive ways. We may as well have been some smelly band of goat sacrificing, Satan intoning heathens from Planet X, rather than fellow Americans with a different opinion who love their country and wish to see their Contitution upheld. The lone counter protestor that was respectful towards us simply waved his US flag at passing cars.

jaybird wrote this at 22.43 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Teutonic Shamanism. "...actual mysteries are timeless and were created - or more properly, «came into being» - with the emergence of the Nine Worlds out of Ginnungagap..."

jaybird wrote this at 21.35 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Inuit Culture, or rather, iliqqusiq. "The moon was like a brother to Kaujajuk. He gained his strength from it. A man from the moon came down and made Kaujajuk very strong."

jaybird wrote this at 21.20 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Eyewitness to Shock and Awe "Along the streets a few Iraqis could be seen staring from balconies, shards of broken glass around them. Each time one of the great golden bubbles of fire burst across the city, they ducked inside before the blast wave reached them."

jaybird wrote this at 11.45 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

"Waking with Birds"

I love hearing the birds... they're back, and a few minutes on the back porch was as good as a ticket to the symphony. Dreams last night...

  • The officer who filled out the accident report on Thursday arrested me and took Avatar the cat and I to a German restaurant, so that he could explain how the "cow eats the cabbage."
  • I led a church service with a congregation dressed mostly in butterfly outfits.
  • Walking down the street on a large city, I knew everyone's name that I passed, and I called out a barrage of helloes to hoboes, bank executives, and Prime Ministers of tropical countries.

    I'd like one dream to come true; my computer to be fixed. I got it back yesterday, and all I can tell he did to it was to rearrange the icons. He said he'd replace the modem, and didn't. He said that he'd ghost the harddrive and reinstall WinXP, and didn't. All he did was to put a sticky note on the box that said "don't panic." I also found out he's being sued for $10k for damage he did to someone's system. But he's got the warantee, so what am I to do?

    In other news, people are protesting across the country, and world leaders are denouncing our first pre-emptive war. Iraqis in the US are being "interviewed" by feds "whether or not they are here legally." What will all this mean for the future?

    I've got to get ready to go, there's much to do today. Especially catching a little bit more of the back porch symphony.

    jaybird wrote this at 11.39 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

    Friday, 21 March, 2003...........................................................

    "Spring in my Heart"

    It's perfectly blue out there today... the sky is cloudless and as blue as cotton candy. So clear it's humming. As you can tell, I'm feeling much better today, for the brighter side is poking through all the dismal crap that has been floating around. I'm at peace and content, despite or in spite of it all.

    It's a busy day ahead with a dinner party, followed by cocktails at a friends, and the bi-monthly midnight gathering. I haven't yet heard in the sweat lodge is on for tomorrow, but the belt promotion ceremony for Josh's school is, so either way, there'll be ritual. Sunday I'll get much for information on the Haiti itinerary, and I plan nothing more radical for the weekend than breathing easy and putting a little spring in my heart.

    jaybird wrote this at 16.52 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

    Using Chemical Weapons to subvert use of Chemical Weapons!

    jaybird wrote this at 16.26 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

    Ted Rall: "Now it's official: most Americans are idiots."

    jaybird wrote this at 16.10 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

    Thursday, 20 March, 2003...........................................................

    "Brutally Honest Big Bangs"

    Not all big bangs are good. This morning ( by now I'm sick of telling this story ) my car was hit on my way into work. The other gentleman made an illegal pass on the right, and hit me pretty hard. I'm still physically shaken up, and the car will need serios body work. Suppose I will, too. He appears to be disputing my claim, and even though I've got witnesses three, I'm worried about the outcome. I have to have a fully functioning, safe car by April 1 when I start using it to transport my clients to their work sites. If my claim is denied, we're talking a thousand bucks of work to get the frame back in shape, the axel stright and the door to open, out of my holey and radically inadequate pocket.

    Now I'm in plays almost every other month, and that drama is fine and dandy. But this kind of drama I can't stand, and there's been such a run of B*S lately that I'm beginning to wear down. I can put a positive spin on just about anything, but right now I'm just feeling out of wind and out of the creative starshine that I use to conjure up sparkle on my most dismal of days. I'm tired. I have so much to let off my chest, and as is typical of the species I want to retain some stupid stoicism and not show my wounds or huff and puff and be the wet blanket.

    Maybe this here, typing to the blog from a borrowed computer older than Moses, is a kind of "psychic bloodletting" that might begin the process of breaking this damn dam inside and letting my floodwaters wash out. I could've posted what I ate for lunch today, or something witty about someone's ass, or as is typical some metaphoric spiritual paradigmatically relative thing, but here I am quite honestly in the dumps, moping over the maze I have to run to retain my human exterior, feeling far away from the verdant joy that's bursting out all over on this, the first day of spring.

    I know that this will not last long. I know that like the tulips and the hyacinths I'll poke my head out of this cool wet grime to face the sun and will bloom into it. I know, as George Harrison sang, that "all things must pass." Even this, even that, in the scheme of things it's inconsequential. But right now my world is revolving in a wobbly way, reeling from this and that.

    That's honest, and maybe that's what this whole blogging thing is all about.

    jaybird wrote this at 22.20 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

    Wednesday, 19 March, 2003...........................................................

    Muslim men register warily under U.S. requirement "You sign in, you get a number, then are called to a window,"

    jaybird wrote this at 20.24 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

    "Any Minute, Now"

    The sky above this anonymous stripmall is dramatic with swaths of purple, black and the day's last shades of blue. There's a slight chill and a bit of a hush. In the market today, an elderly lady with a kercheif wrapped tightly around his silver bun asked in whisper to the produce mananger "so, Henry, when they say that war's gonna start?" His wrinkled eyes told of many tales of war, and now this one, with a hint of resignation, looked her back and said "about any minute now, sister. Maybe by eight o'clock."

    That's an hour from now and a world away from this cyber cafe with Barry Manilowe bellowing that he "writes the songs." Ted Kopel's military-supplied double armoured toupee bobbed up and down in a serious yet sterile reportage of impending violence and carnage, and if you're bored of that already there's always basketball playoffs, right?

    I'm disturbed by the face we're putting on for this conflagration... one of "well, we can't do nothing about it," and "well, they prob'ly had it comin' to 'em," and "God will sort it out." Soon, all eyes will be on our boys in the Gulf, praying for their safe return, but what about the 3 million children in Baghdad? What about the elderly women in Iraqi markets, heads wrapped humbly, watching the skies and praying that they can make it home before the city catches fire? The eager Marines, sandblasted in Kuwait, fingers itching for battle cannot be held individually accountable for the upcoming razing of a people; yet upon each one of them is transmitted the power to judge by bullet and might. How many Iraqis, far searated from the regieme that governs them, will be guilty merely by being at the wrong place at the wrong time? How many children won't survive the night? How many dreams will find Allah by climbing an oily whisp of battle smoke?

    Will those who claim to represent America sleep easy tonight, dreaming of apple pie and mother, undisturbed by the screams as innocent people cower in whatever dark corner they can find as America falls around them in a laser-guided telemetry of violence?

    By God, my God, I only pray that we wake up from this silent acceptance of this greedy war. For the first time in American history, we are about to embark on a war without precident, a war designed to prevent rather than forstall. The old guts and glory paradigm is being raised up on flagpoles, while we quietly scurry away true diplomacy and trtue democracy. If it is we, the USA, that are somehow endowed with more dedmocracy than anyone else, isn't that what we should be giving to the Middle East? Bombs are not democratic. Slinging the most massive bombardment of artillery in untold years on a city the size of Los Angeles is not generous... it does not foster liberty, but like the abuser in the family, simply perpetuates the same violence that has gone on for far too long.

    The only way to stop violence of any kind is to stop violence.

    We all know the analogy of the butterfly blissing in flight in China will bring a tornado to Texas. If we flutter our hearts in the direction of not only Baghdad, but Washginton, and to all people who live under the threat of unjust governments and outcomes they would not dare to wish upon anyone, for any reason. We may not be able to prevent this perverse nightmare of those weak and undaring people who have seized the Constitution and clouded the glass of worldview, but we can place our hopes and intentions in a sacred place where their doctrines and missives cannot go. There is a line that they cannot cross, no matter their munitions or their weilding of bloodstined laws; and that line is the covenant I make with the Source of all Love, with the Creator, the Holy, the One that makes things to live and be as bold and as beautiful as their dreams. That line, no matter how slender and tenuous, is a vein that connects all things... my life to Iraqi life, a dandelion to a grey seal, me to you.

    Whether you believe in God/Goddess/Goodness or not, if you feel love at all to anything at all, that is your sensation alone, and share it where you like, you can choose to say that none can enter it that don't respect it. What is soon to happen, in perhaps minutes now, does not respect that feeling in any way. I disown what is about to happen. I will not let it in and keep me from what I hold as sacred.

    At the market today I bought a candle; one of those enclosed by glass that you find in the Latin section that burns for seven days. I wrote "Earth" on the glass in green magic marker, in the hope that that little word may find some light shining through it, even now, as the world sits tensely on the brink of a fearsome time. There is nothing better that I can offer right now, that light is my wings flapping towards a better wind that could blow in the place of the breath we've harvested to make war.

    May history say that love prevailed, after all.

    ........

    Meanwhile, my computer is still down, and I'm sitting here at the cyber cafe waiting for the technoboob to call and say all is fixed. I feel almost handless. There's a list of things on my desk of things I want to google; cybernetics, theurgy, and Oscar Wilde. Maybe tomorrow.

    I'm having increasing bouts of dyslexia and mixing up my words. I'm starting a Gingko/Ginseng combo that I hope will fix this. And maybe more sleep.

    Until tomorrow, which no one has a clue over, I just say "peace be with you."

    jaybird wrote this at 20.02 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

    Tuesday, 18 March, 2003...........................................................

    "Computer Blues"

    Looks like I'll be offline most of tonight. I'm at the computer shoppe and things look weird, which is really par for the couse as far as life as we know it goes. Hopefully I'll be coming back tomorrow with a healthier and happier box of techno-luv.

    jaybird wrote this at 15.38 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

    Monday, 17 March, 2003...........................................................

    One man's humanitarian work in Baghdad "...when I think of Baghdad and Iraq, I see my sisters and brothers, and my ever-increasing flock of nephews and nieces. I hear my niece Sharook asking me over the phone about my father (who recently broke his hip) and assuring me in her sweet soft voice and trembling English that she along with her mother and aunts is praying for his recovery. I remember the day her cousin Yassir, a fifteen-year-old champion soccer player, pressed into my hand the blue-ribboned medal he received from his school for excellence on the soccer field. He insisted I keep it. Stunned by his desire to part with something so precious, I tried to give the medal back. Yassir would not hear of it. "I love you, George," he said in Arabic. "Please keep this gift and do not forget me, ever."

    jaybird wrote this at 19.07 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

    "31st Conception Day"

    It seemed as if my little compooty-snookums had fixed her blue screen problems all by herself, but alas, this bitch has turned sociopathic and needs some strong ass intervention. Tomorrow while on lunch she goes in under her warantee of love and I hope St. Techsupport can drive the serpents out of her memory.

    I'm feeling increasingly better after my "man-ses" this weekend and am enjoying the rain and all the blarney of today, which is in fact the 31st anneversary of my conception. That's right, I knew the when and even the where, that led me to be here. In the sauna of a country club on it's grand opening on that day full of mirth, with the wearin o' the green and all.

    Work generally was unpleasant today. I saw some pretty inappropriate staff/client interactions in one of the classrooms, as well as a staff person trying to provoke a client into having a behavior ( I work in a day facility for developementally disabled ). Some people think it's funny to watch a person who can hardly communicate and has a long history of abuse "go off." This schmuck then tried to pit staff aginst eachother, so I went to the head muckety-muck and she assured that he would be dealt with tomorrow. But not only is this guy vindictive and sneaky, he's also friends with my housemate. So, as things always are in this town, it's complicated, multi-layered drama and everyone knows everyone involved. But, that's that. I did the right thing and it's not my karma. I've had my share, for sure, burned it and been burnt by it, but whatever this yahoo tries to do in vengeance won't be mine to own.

    I'm going to take it relatively easy on this ailing pooter tonight, and maybe work on lines for the play and gasp, even dust off the ol' dissertation and maybe make some headway towards getting that demon behind me. I've got to think in terms of being productive sans technology... there's so much to do and needs done without my butt planted on this dumpster-dived chair and my eyes resting on line after line of electrons doing the pixel can-can.

    jaybird wrote this at 18.20 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

    Who would make a better president: Bush or a box of Tic-Tacs? An objective analysis.

    jaybird wrote this at 16.25 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

    Sivk and Wrong: Israeli bulldozer driver murders American peace activist. She was protesting the demolition of a Palestinian's home.

    jaybird wrote this at 16.17 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

    Keep on!Climbers prepare to bring down California tree sitters.

    jaybird wrote this at 16.03 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

    George II doles out $1.5bn in contracts to US Corporations for Iraq 'reconstruction.' "The Bush plan, as detailed in more than 100 pages of confidential contract documents, would sideline United Nations development agencies and other multilateral organizations."

    jaybird wrote this at 15.56 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

    "Sensational"

    Just finished watching the previously mentioned Iranian film "The Color of Paradise." It automatically ranks as one of my favorite films ever. I'm not going to try to synopsize it for you, just go find it and watch it. Not only has it hurled me into a stratospheric sense of gratitude about my senses and emotions, it's simplisitc stunning beauty was one of the factors that has broken my poor mood of the weekend.

    Let's just quote from the film: "Allah loves the blind because they see Him with their fingertips. He is everywhere, and you just feel Him."

    Of couse, the wise words of one so dear to me helped much more than celluloid ( or magnetic tape ) can, even though as you can see it's a powerful story. So, to you, and you know who you are ( you better ) I tip my hat ( though I'm not wearing one ) and raise my glass ( or bottle, as it were ) to you in appreciation for your perception and your coolness. Damn, you're good.

    Meanwhile...

    We often count our senses as those limited to those physical organs that perceive them. Taste, touch, sight and sound are indespensible to the human condition, yet many among us get by without them, usually with other senses augmented in their place. Yet no one can get by without emotions. No matter who you are and how trying the predicaments of the flesh may be, it's that other sense that we can't get rid of no matter how hard we try. It can't be shook, and the reason is that emotions are more than gut reactions to stimuli... they're the signatures of consciousness, of self awareness. Anger, sadness and rage have proven their worth and their point.... they're not bad, not at all. They're telling us to pay attention, to look inside and fix what's wrong. They're poking us to say "here we are, and boy do we need your help."

    Whereas love, joy, contenment and thanks are similarly touches, touches that say "we're glad you're here and paying attention, because look at how beautiful everything is once you notice it." See. Not with you eyes, or even your hands. See and feel that everywhere, everywhen, and even everywho is an arm's reach away, and that's a touch of something that's stronger than any heartache or letdown. In fact, it may be the only true touch there is, no matter what your senses say. Everything else is just another way of saying... look as much as you like, but don't forget to see.

    jaybird wrote this at 00.27 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

    Sunday, 16 March, 2003...........................................................

    The 3rd World Water Forum began in Kyoto on Sunday to discuss measures to solve the growing global water crisis.

    jaybird wrote this at 18.05 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

    ACLU challenges Little Rock school for harassing gay student. "...over what it says is repeated punishment of a 14-year-old student for being openly gay. In a letter to school officials sent Thursday, the ACLU demanded that the school stop violating the student's rights and remove all unconstitutional disciplinary actions taken against him from his record by March 21 or face legal action. In its letter, the ACLU said that that school officials "outed" the gay student, Thomas McLaughlin, to his parents against his wishes and have since told him he must not discuss being gay while at school, forced him to read from the Bible, and disciplined him for being open about his sexual orientation."

    As you can see, the computer's working again. Maybe that sweet talking helped

    jaybird wrote this at 15.00 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

    "The Technicalities of Support"

    While my mood seems to be improving, my usually sweet little computer is turning vicious and irritable. She may have to go into the shop today... could need an XP reinstall so I'm backing everything up while she's not being hateful. In fact, right now she seems just fine, but has spent most of the morning and last night cussing at me and wanting respect, which I do give the little snookums in a abundace, don't I, huggabear?

    I'm becoming increasingly aware of some challenge areas in my life and that may have something to do with this weekend's rather troubled mental waters. What I hope to accomplish here is not feeling daunted and overwhelmed by the coming onslaught, but grateful and prepared. I could be on the limbo train after all, going from point A to but Z not feeling anything. Like the computer, my little buggy bumps, I'm feeling frustration because something needs to be corrected and that takes attention. As I attend to drunken Windows drivers and faults running across the pages, I'm going to look inside this noggin of mine and do a little uninstalling here, rebooting there, and make sure my processor isn't overheating.

    It could be worse. My housemate had her car repo'ed this morning, bright and early. I had to wake her up to tell her that a tow truck was molesting her cute green thing, but she handled it cooly, not fighting it but with humble surrender. Sometimes, there's nothing you can do, and you've got to watch it roll away, forgive, and work on the next step... and watch it roll back in again if you're willing to roll up your sleeves and overcome mere luck.

    I'm going to shut this little silicon based cupie doll down now, take her apart, and hope for the best. I'm as backed up as I can be, and I'll not leave it up to hope that this will work out, but will act to assure it will work out. And work back in again.

    Maybe there isn't that much of a difference between humans and computers afterall.

    jaybird wrote this at 13.40 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|





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    jay/Male/26-30. Lives in United States/North Carolina/Woodfin/New Bridge, speaks English and French. Spends 40% of daytime online. Uses a Normal (56k) connection. And likes creativity/mysticism.
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