Even in absurdity, sacrament.    Even in hardship, holiness.    Even in doubt, faith.     Even in chaos, realization.   Even in paradox, blessedness.   

Home of Theodore "jay" Joslin; divinity student, author, wingnut, and queer nature boy. Dedicated to the Unity and Sacredness of All-That-Is, including and especially you.


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March 2003
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Digging the Immaterial;
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04/06/2003 to 04/12/2003
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( inside jay's head ) 01/26/2003 - 02/01/2003
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posting under the influence

Saturday, 29 March, 2003...........................................................

If they were Fox reporters, it would have been a seven course dinner. Journalists severly beaten by US Troops "...he had received the impression that the American army had done everything it could to ensure that not one independent journalist was reporting from Iraq."

jaybird wrote this at 22.39 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Tuva is a smallish autonomous republic in Siberia which borders Mongolia. With a unique style of singing, popularized by one of my favorite bands Huun-Huur-Tu, it's coming out of it's shell and is getting noticed. With a beautiful culture, landscapes, people, and a rich spiritual heritage there's much to explore.

jaybird wrote this at 16.48 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Guardian: Propaganda vs. Fact

jaybird wrote this at 12.53 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Hot and spicy MeFi thread on the recent antagonizing antics of Fox "News."

jaybird wrote this at 12.22 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Time-Traveler Doing Time in the Wrong Time"Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune."

jaybird wrote this at 11.14 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Market horror takes it toll. "The market district which was hit was populated almost exclusively by Shia Muslims - exactly the kind of people that Washington says it wants to rise up and help them in the overthrow of the government."

jaybird wrote this at 11.00 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

"Morning After Post Script"

In retrospect, I did not make an ass of myself anywhere, but when I've had a few I'm usually afraid that I have. I had a really good time and won the "Elmo" for Best Bogus Accent in a Theatrical Production.

Before the glamorous events, I was busy getting estimates for my car, and the conclusion is that it's totaled. I've done so much letting go lately that I'm not feeling that much upset over it, just disappointment and a dogged perseverance to keep on trucking.

And I may as well make it official... I'm doing this fast/diet/lifestyle change thing. I have lost some of those pesky units called pounds but most importantly, I'm feeling better, have more energy, and haven't eaten any meat product in over two days. I'm not as wontonly hungry as I've been, which will be a key player in building the endurance I'll need in Haiti.

That's it for now, I just couldn't let that last post wobble there without a little hindsight to steady it.

jaybird wrote this at 07.20 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

"Fools at Play"

I'm afraid I've made a total ass of myself at tonight's party, a celebration of our last dramatic extravaganza "Fools at Play." We watched the video tonight, and presented ourselves with awards a la "Oscars." More details once I'm awake again.

jaybird wrote this at 00.56 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Friday, 28 March, 2003...........................................................

"Pillow Flight"

I've tossed and turned all night. At one point so violently that I flung a pillow halfway across the bedroom and it landed right in front of the space heater. I might have woken up just before it started smoldering. That would've been dramatic. My dreams were senseless and should not have gotten me so worked up.

jaybird wrote this at 05.54 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Oh, here's why media never seems to bother: Consultants tell broadcasters to skip the protests. "Covering war protests may be harmful to a station's bottom line."

jaybird wrote this at 05.25 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Thursday, 27 March, 2003...........................................................

US POW Violations:

"[Rumsfeld's] prison camp in Guantanamo Bay, in Cuba, where 641 men (nine of whom are British citizens) are held, breaches no fewer than 15 articles of the third convention. The US government broke the first of these (article 13) as soon as the prisoners arrived, by displaying them, just as the Iraqis have done, on television. In this case, however, they were not encouraged to address the cameras. They were kneeling on the ground, hands tied behind their backs, wearing blacked-out goggles and earphones. In breach of article 18, they had been stripped of their own clothes and deprived of their possessions. They were then interned in a penitentiary (against article 22), where they were denied proper mess facilities (26), canteens (28), religious premises (34), opportunities for physical exercise (38), access to the text of the convention (41), freedom to write to their families (70 and 71) and parcels of food and books (72).
They were not "released and repatriated without delay after the cessation of active hostilities" (118), because, the US authorities say, their interrogation might, one day, reveal interesting information about al-Qaida. Article 17 rules that captives are obliged to give only their name, rank, number and date of birth. No "coercion may be inflicted on prisoners of war to secure from them information of any kind whatever". In the hope of breaking them, however, the authorities have confined them to solitary cells and subjected them to what is now known as "torture lite": sleep deprivation and constant exposure to bright light. Unsurprisingly, several of the prisoners have sought to kill themselves, by smashing their heads against the walls or trying to slash their wrists with plastic cutlery." complete article →

jaybird wrote this at 22.38 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Quaoar the great force of creation sings and dances the high ones (Dieties) into existence. While Quaoar has no form or gender he is usually referred to with the male pronoun. He dances and sings first 'Weywot' who becomes Sky Father; they sing and dance 'Chehooit' Earth Mother into existence. The trio sing 'Tamit' Grandfather Sun to life. As each divine one joins the singing and dancing, the song becomes more complex and the dance more complicated."

The Gabrieleno/Tongva Tribe of San Gabriel whose language gave us "Quaoar," the name for the newly discovered quasi-planet near Pluto. A close knit tribe maintaining it's culture through language, arts and dance. "It has been said that "all Tongva are Dancers", because of the importance of dance as a ritualistic way of attaining harmony with nature, placating adversity, celebrating events, expiating tragedy, and explanation and initiation. "

jaybird wrote this at 21.28 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Kathy Kelly of Voices in the Wilderness gives a first hand report of casualties and the Baghdad zeitgeist;

"Roesio Salem, age 10 is from Hai Risal. She went to the entrance of her home and told shouted to her father, “Bomb coming!” at which point she was hit on the first day of the attack. She is 10 years old and has sustained severe chest injuries. We simply couldn’t take our eyes off of her as she gently smiled at us from her hospital bed.

Fatima, 10 years old, from Radwaniya. She suffered multiple fractures when she and her family ran from their home, in an urban area, on Friday evening, March 21. A wall fell down and she suffered a fractured tibia. The family had no means of transport and had to wait until the next morning to get her to a hospital. Her father, Abu Mustafa, who works as a farm laborer, said, "We are like brothers and sisters to people in the United States. We don't attack American people. Please give this message to American people. This is an invasion, it has nothing to do with democracy." complete article →

via Abuddha's Memes

jaybird wrote this at 19.39 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

"A Cat's Day Afternoon"

jaybird wrote this at 18.37 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

"Operation Feline Liberation"

Ursula the cat is about to be bathed. She will not love this experience, yet it is for her own proverbial good. Pictures will follow, provided by my housemate and assistant feline hygeinist Bobbie.

jaybird wrote this at 17.18 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Slate: The Supreme Court Tries Sodomy. "The "equal protection" argument holds that states can't promulgate laws discriminating against certain classes of people unless there is some "rational basis" for the law and a "legitimate government purpose" behind it."

jaybird wrote this at 16.54 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

RIP Laura Rothenberg

jaybird wrote this at 16.50 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

"Practice to Deceive" by Joshua Micah Marshall Chaos in the Middle East is not the Bush hawks' nightmare scenario--it's their plan. via MeFi

jaybird wrote this at 16.43 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Scott Ritter: US defeat in Iraq 'inevitable'

jaybird wrote this at 16.17 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

The war to liberate the Iraqi people is killing them, as predicted. Commondreams: Civilian Deaths From Airstrikes on Baghdad Fuel Rising Anger

jaybird wrote this at 07.33 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Wednesday, 26 March, 2003...........................................................

"Restore Point"

By golly gosh, it appears ( knock wood ) that the ongoing legendary tumultuous life or death struggle of computer issues has been resolved. I've been working on restoring this improved version of my computer for nearly four hours ( has it really been that long? ) and have not had a single error or annoyance. My abusive and strangely incompetant computer service geek had a 'helper' with him today that apparently told him what to do to really get this baby fixed the way it should. My thanks goes out to people who are actually trained in computer repair!

It feels so good to post again freely.

I'm feeling really mellow... Haiti is now two weeks away, while a year ago today Joshua and I were wrapping up our mythic tour of the southwest. For some reason I do a lot of travel in March/April. In '99 I was in Eastern Europe about this time, probably Hungary. Next year, if all goes and the ship of destiny sails into port, I'll be starting my fanciful and extremely hypothetical transcontinental train trip from Iceland to India, with obvious transport exceptions when it comes to watery crossings.

Anyway, I'm getting tired, and staring at this screen is warping my albeit unorthodox perceptions of reality. Goodness, it's amazing how I've taken this whole technology thing for granted, though.

jaybird wrote this at 23.31 EST| entry link| 2 thoughts|

Iraqis 'disappearing in Detroit.

jaybird wrote this at 22.43 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

WaPo: Something Suspicious Is in the Air. Following the orange alert info trail.

jaybird wrote this at 22.41 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Tuesday, 25 March, 2003...........................................................

"Periwinkle"

I suppose, that inspite of the madness and whirlwinds of war and anxiety that attempt to deface the charms of the day, one can still have a mystical experience with a periwinke. Which just happened, relatively speaking. The lake begged me to walk it's shores, and after about 5 laps, I sat down to rest and whittle away a few minutes before coming here, the refuge of the hitchhikers on the information superhighway, the cyber cafe ( which takes on a different meaning altogether if you consider the Greek root of 'cyber,' which means helmsman or pilot ). There was a quiet spot away from the fellow joggers, dogwalkers, and wayfarers where the lake kissed the banks in tiny waves.

Poking out in a daring gesture of nature's verve was a little periwinkle, the color of dawn's first winking, facing the east and twittering in the breeze. So simple this little thing, so beautiful. It fulfills it's role without anxiety, without time ( other than the swaying of the season encoded in it's genetic sing-song ) without worry that it's root's grasp on the soil, only just surrendered by winter, is tenuous and fragile. We humans are much the same... we skim from minute to minute hanging by a thread, our place in the world unknown beyond conjecture, and call this delicate, complex arrangement an average day. The cellular structure of humans and periwinkles are both organized but complicated, designed to make sense but only in an evolutionarily roundabout way. The roots look much like neurons, a tangle of communication in a peculiar medium that supports life and creation. We are both based structurally of the golden mean, and are made up of spiraling matter. So many similarities, and of course vast differences. Yet which is more obvious, really?

Remember the bit about lillies of the valley, not toiling and all worked up like their bipedal observers? Could it be that we could emulate, resonate and create that kind of state amidst what we've chosen to make out of this world? Could we stop thinking for just a sec and twitter with the breeze, absorb the sunlight, draw up sustainance from our roots and just be. It's vulnerable! I could pull up that periwinkle in the blink of a hummingbird's eye and go down the road without a care. If it were sentient and mobile, it would avoid my advance, and a game would be on, though the odds are predictable.

But life is a risky proposition. To be here means at some point we won't, the breath of life is also a covenant with the stillness of death. Too many times in my life I've missed the totality of a beautiful moment by looking for my camera, being distracted by where I'm supposed to be next, and the tumble of routine and expectation. What does the periwinke expect? Nothing. What does it need to do? Grow. Is that a guaranteed outcome? Nope. But it still keeps going, according to it's purpose, no matter the proximity of my stumbling feet, dimwittingly crashing through paradise to get to the next appointment with expectation.

I learned a lot from that little life form today. I felt grateful to share the ground with such a wise creature. I don't know how well I can be a periwinkle, or a bluebird, or even a human trying to walk in balance and beauty, but it's worth a try. I know there's danger all around, but the sun is out, my love is strong, and the way the lake mists at night is better than worrying, expecting, and banking on the future.

...............

In less stunning news, the epic saga of the computer continues. Tonight it's at the home of someone who's competant, capable, and who knows what they're doing. I'm taking all this in stride, I really am, but I'm ready for this to be a non-issue.

What would a periwinke do?

jaybird wrote this at 19.23 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

"My Computer on Zen"

It's working but not working. It functions but doesn't. The [very graphic word, indeed!] who was alleged to have made this a "brand new computer" with his tireless lack of experise has flubbed again. I cannot install programs and have sent well over 20 error messages to Microflacid. I dedicated my whole night, a night where the temperature was incredible, the sky perfectly clear while dandelions made love in the breeze, to getting this hunka silicone back where she should be. After sleeping a little I got back to it, and it's past 4am. I'm giving up, going to disconnect it again, and give him an ultimatum: fix it right, you little weasel, or I'll... I'll... gosh, I just can't be threatening no matter what I do.

jaybird wrote this at 04.28 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Nader calls Bush `dictator' "The war in Iraq developed instead, he said, from 'a messianic militaristic determination turned by a closed mind, facilitated by a cowering Congress and opposition Democrat Party and undeterred by a probing press.'''

jaybird wrote this at 03.57 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Monday, 24 March, 2003...........................................................

Humanitarian Crisis in Basra according to the Red Cross.

jaybird wrote this at 21.39 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

"Moment of Tech-Truth"

A moment of tech-truth. I'm about to shut down this borrowed computer and pick up my allegedly fixed box of love. The flunkie that's been working on it in between rounds of racing games and berating customers has claimed a complete and stable fix, though his methods sound really stupid. All I wanted him to do is to reformat my drive and reinstall XP, and either replace the modem or reload the drivers, and not touch my partitioned drive where I store my backup files and archives.

What he did do is argue with me about the merits of replacing a dead modem, bought a new harddrive, copied my files onto it and XP on said drive, and complain about "having to buy a new f***ing drive out of pocket," when there is zero evidence that there's anything wrong with the original. I would'nt deal with this twitchy richkid if it wasn't under warantee.

It had better work. Fingers are crossed )(.

jaybird wrote this at 16.15 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Another metaphorically stormy night that produced this silly dream:

My job was to water the garden of this house, and the tools I had were, imaginably, a hose, a sit-n-spin, and a complete lack of clothing. So I spun, water flying all over the place, naked as a, you guessed it, jaybird.

jaybird wrote this at 07.34 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

"Out of Rubble, Reason."

What an odd mix Sunday was... from the excitement of creating our Haiti itinerary, to protesting the war on Pack Square, a reminder of the turmoil that underlies our thoughts ( yet the daffodils still insist on being present ), to watching the glitz and glamour of an Oscars dressed mostly in black, an exciting phone call from a possible lover, to...

...my housemate walking in the house, voice trembling and full of tears, telling me that a friend in our circle had taken his life. He was last seen on Friday, being quite the entertainer, despite the storms of controversy he contantly had a hand in stirring. He was found today, and the person who found him literally cannot say a word he is so shaken. Phil had fought a hard battle with depression, the most severe kind, the terminal kind. Tried as many have to cure Phil, to pray that Phil would cure himself, his despair was too strong, and beat him in the end. Depression is an illness. It can be more severe than anyone can imagine. Phil's lonliness, his mania, all those things that drove his friends frequently to the edge cannot outweigh the laughter he brought, and the companionship he gave to those he trusted. For those that were driven to the edge always returned to the center. No one gave up on him, but himself.

I did not know him very well, but his passing reflected in the tear reddened eyes of my housemate remind me of the feeling of what it's like to lose a close friend. In January 1996 one of the wisest, silliest, most inventine and brilliant persons ever given to this Earth died alone from a heroin overdose. I've told many that John Hopkins could've changed the world; his treatises on economics and political structures could've uprooted the weeds that keep disrupting our garden. His smile and his willingness to goof, and be present for you were magnetic. When John died my world turned upside-down. I had been not too reserved about my abuse of certain substances, and the moment I heard we'd lost him was like a slap in the face. The thought of drugging away the pain brought me revulsion and sickness. As other formerly brilliant junkies sniffed the carpet for any spilled powder to ease the news of John's passing, I flipped out and tried to make them stop. They wouldn't, and even though I was nowhere near as bad off as they, their desparate scrounging for artificiality forced me to break out of my foggy egg and seek out passionately this thing we call life the very day we laid him to rest.

John, as endowed with wit and wonder as he was, was up to his eyeballs in sadness, fear, and isolation. His depression, like Phil's, was too much to bear. I have lived under the roof of a suicide-threatening parent, and even in my closet of bones have a secret or two of times that word became entangled intimately with my soul. I can only speak for myself that such extreme despair is preventable... not by teams of shrinks or even the well intentioned counsel of friends, but by one's own hand pulling up one's self by their own bootstraps. That is a skill, and not a matter of luck or reading a book. Not everyone has been given the skills to cope, nea, survive, with severe depression. I don't know if those afflicted would choose life if given the tools to manage it, who's to say? I'd like to think that John and Phil would have had a chance, but no one knows what the world really looks like behind another set of eyes. Tonight I feel fortunate to say that having seen the beauty of this world, nothing could dare take it away from me, not even my own indulgence.

For Phil's friends, this will be a trying time. They have puzzle pieces strewn far and wide, and may never get a complete picture out of them, especially if what they're looking for is "why." What we can hope for, however, is that they find, amidst the rubble of a life fallen, a reason for them to cherish our time here, and to create out of the pooling of their tears a river that swells in the joy of being alive and flows us to the purpose of our being here.

May peace abide with you.

jaybird wrote this at 01.11 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Sunday, 23 March, 2003...........................................................

You go, Michael! The complete speech is here.

jaybird wrote this at 23.51 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

"We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?"

Niels Bohr to Wolfgang Pauli

jaybird wrote this at 17.17 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

POW Double Standard? Rumsfeld: "It's illegal to do things to POWs that are humiliating to those prisoners." Which is true. But what about all the pictures released by US media of our treatment of the so-called "enemy combatents" ( deemed as such so as to get around the legal ramifications of officially calling them POWs ) from Afghanistan? When transported to Guantanamo, they were tied down to the floor of a C5A, had "chucks" ( to absorb bodily emission ) placed under them, gagged, and goggled. Didn't that hit all the networks, Don?

jaybird wrote this at 14.50 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

"Breaking Out"

It was a stormy sea on the waterbed... tossed and turned, awake at every hour, almost on the hour. Weird. Even dreamed that I was on a supertanker as hundred foot waves crashed across the bow. Analyze that! This too...

  • I went to prison because a nine foot tall police officer ( who was bent over in such a comical way ) found a bag of green herbiness in my closet that I insisted was catnip. He just casually dropped me off at the prison and I walked in, and was told to "stay a while." It was filled with mall kids and after finding it insidiously boring I broke out to rent a movie. With tape in tow, I returned to the prison and just sat outside the gates, trying to decide whether to go back in, which I eventually did. I was taken to this office, where I was told over a loud speaker that I was exonerated and joyfully released to the custody of my cats.
  • I met this Adonis and he taught me Too naughty to post here.
  • A recurring dream of these fanciful woods bordered on all sides by railroad tracks.

    Looks like another incredible day, but then again, when is it not? I affirm to spend quality time in a wall-less environment and do some connecting with this, my favorite season.

    jaybird wrote this at 07.49 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|





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    jay/Male/26-30. Lives in United States/North Carolina/Woodfin/New Bridge, speaks English and French. Spends 40% of daytime online. Uses a Normal (56k) connection. And likes creativity/mysticism.
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