Even in absurdity, sacrament.    Even in hardship, holiness.    Even in doubt, faith.     Even in chaos, realization.   Even in paradox, blessedness.   

Home of Theodore "jay" Joslin; divinity student, author, wingnut, and queer nature boy. Dedicated to the Unity and Sacredness of All-That-Is, including and especially you.


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April 2003
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Digging the Immaterial;
Yet another human
pondering the Universe
and what it means to be
alive and well within It.
by jay joslin

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04/20/2003 to 04/26/2003
04/13/2003 to 04/19/2003
04/06/2003 to 04/12/2003
03/30/2003 to 04/05/2003
03/23/2003 to 03/29/2003
03/16/2003 to 03/22/2003
03/09/2003 to 03/15/2003
03/02/2003 to 03/08/2003
02/23/2003 to 03/01/2003
02/16/2003 to 02/22/2003
02/09/2003 to 02/15/2003
02/02/2003 to 02/08/2003
01/26/2003 to 02/01/2003
( inside jay's head ) 01/26/2003 - 02/01/2003
( inside jay's head ) 01/19/2003 - 01/25/2003
( inside jay's head ) 01/12/2003 - 01/18/2003


iconography:

world events, politics, opinion

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tech, internet, blogosphere

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philosophy, conjecture, paradigm change

the GLBT / queer community

spirituality, consciousness

sillyness, satire, absurdity


posting under the influence

Saturday, 26 April, 2003...........................................................

"Aaah"

Nice, mellow Saturday. I'm feeling very laid back, at ease, and enjoying a slower pace. The play being over is a mild relief, and will open up time for me to write the Alice in Wonderland adaptation. Down the rabbit hole with you, babe.

I think a hike is in the cards today rather then computer screen. I might even recommend the same for those reading this. In the last words of the eternal Timothy Leary, "Why, why not? Oh yeah."

jaybird wrote this at 14.51 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Sex Advice from Sen. Santorum

jaybird wrote this at 09.15 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Duh: White House Confirms 9/11, not WMD, was the Cause of War

jaybird wrote this at 09.08 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Friday, 25 April, 2003...........................................................

"Cha Cha Cha"

The play debuted last night to a packed house, and we were blessed with a standing ovie. I, on the other hand, dealt with a throat cluttered with obstructing yuckies and my voice bailed a few times on stage. I was a bit wobbly. The toupee painfully fixed on my perfectly hirsute head may have thrown off my balance, or it could have been the pillows strapped to my posterior and stuffed down my shirt. Reverend Hooker is a very robust character, to say the least. The post-applausal festivities dragged long into the night with a motley assortment of beloveds and my new pal Gustav, recent immigre from distant California.

At work today several folks said I had a glow about me ( residual stage make-up? ) and commented on my general bounciness. I suppose most of this blissing is from discovering the soul-flowers of the journey to Haiti. The tree has barely begun to bloom and yet the colors blaze. It's hard to describe. I think reading Zen upon returning was a good idea, I'm releasing a lot of energy from detatching various common and curious "obsessions" that were previously routine. One friend even asked me if I was in love, if I had a special "somethin' somethin'" in my life. I'm in love, yes Mary, with the Universe. We're getting hitched. But as far as hoochie-coo, no dice. Not Yet.

Then Mr. Short Dark and Handsome came along. I'd had a feeling about R for a while now; his energy, quirkiness and, "me no sé," his suavé, seemed to be a leading orientational indicator. Maybe the look in his deep conga-drum eyes. Well, I bumped, or salsa'd, into him and cha cha cha, we had a long conversation about film, art, and finally an exchange of quizzical questions and phone numbers. Not only is he deeply mired in creative virtues, he's a balloon artist. You might say that I'm excited, but I could be just high on helium.

Nothing in life is certain save the delight and adventure of uncertainty.

jaybird wrote this at 16.49 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

AIDS tigthens grip on Southern US

jaybird wrote this at 15.39 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

File Swapping Ruled Legal

jaybird wrote this at 15.35 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Thursday, 24 April, 2003...........................................................

This Modern World hits it on the head this week: "Out Top Priorities"

jaybird wrote this at 16.57 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

From the Comments Dept:

I just wanted to pass on the word about a pretty unique peace-activism site, FacesForPeace.org, where people are posting their photos and antiwar statements in one place, kind of an "online peace rally" (this war may be about over but the conditions for future preemptive, near-unilateral wars are obviously still in place). Hope you can check it out, if you like it please spread the word.
peace,
tim

Thanks, tim!

jaybird wrote this at 16.48 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

US vs. Iraq Syria North Korea France

jaybird wrote this at 16.42 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

How big is your ecological footprint? Take the quiz. I need to reduce shoe size by 1.8 planets.

jaybird wrote this at 16.38 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

L'Onion: New Fox Reality Show To Determine Ruler Of Iraq

jaybird wrote this at 16.27 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Wednesday, 23 April, 2003...........................................................

Guvmint Dirty Tricks: 'No Fly' List Unfairly Targets Peace Activists

jaybird wrote this at 23.51 EST| entry link| 2 thoughts|

Sugar industry threatens to scupper WHO "The sugar industry in the US is threatening to bring the World Health Organisation to its knees by demanding that Congress end its funding unless the WHO scraps guidelines on healthy eating, due to be published on Wednesday."

jaybird wrote this at 23.16 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

"Four Unruly Organisms"

#1 The cat. He has done it again. Avatar, the sweet descended master of prissyness and mystic felinism, has gotten into another expensive catfight. I thought he'd swallowed a pingpong ball but it turned out to be an infection from a cat bite. The booger. He's not so glamorous right now, unless disheveled chic is "in." He could use better kung-fu next time.

#2 The Virus. I think my turn of the Wheel of Virus has finally come. I have a perpetual mild headache and some bronchitis like thing happening. Just in time for the play, which opens tomorrow. My voice will hold out if I don't talk. Looks like a good as time as any to take the vow of silence to protest the war. I'm sure this isn't a bacterial souvenir from Haiti but rather an allergic reaction to my own lifestyle and the present American zeitgeist.

#3 The Marketing. I ordered books for my book signing event, which frankly I'm not that interested in organizing. I'm not even sure if I want to attend. I suppose I have to. If I have to give some scholarly analysis of my "work" I might just say in the spirit of some crazed Zenster like Basho that "all writing is foolish," blow bubbles for a minute and leave quicky for a blue-green algae smoothie. I do enjoy writing, and I'd love to sell some books, but honestly doing the whole marketing thing seems vain and an excersize in self-flattery. I wish I knew how to pull this thing off without appearing like some bloated self important poof ( as opposed to a thinning, quasi-confident poof ) who glibly speaks of his "instrument."

#4 The Reality. I've got under an hour until dress rehearsal. I'm wishing I were back in Haiti right now, this "real world" hooey isn't suiting me well. It feels like this is someone else's routine, someone else's bills, and with all the clutter in this house, someone else's stuff. Being back is becoming more and more a psychic landslide, and the effects are unknown. I don't know where this will lead, but hopefully towards taming that most unruly of the organisms, reality.

jaybird wrote this at 16.53 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Uberneat: the World as a Blog. via MeFi

jaybird wrote this at 16.15 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Tuesday, 22 April, 2003...........................................................

Every day is Earth Day. Let's start doing something about it by turning off your t.v., even the computer, and not consuming all that fossil or nuclear fuel based electricity while venturing outside and seeing what this whole "Earth" thing is about.

jaybird wrote this at 17.15 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Gay Groups Want Santorum Out of Leadership

jaybird wrote this at 16.41 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

A song going through my head this morning is Southern Cross by Crosby Stills & Nash:

"'Cause the truth you might be runnin' from is so small.
But it's as big as the promise, the promise of a coming day."

jaybird wrote this at 06.46 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Monday, 21 April, 2003...........................................................

"Test Wishes"

Restful this day was, the last before returning to the work-a-day world. I caught up with several languishing projects, and relished a surprising lack of heuristic exacerbations.

I'm kind of at this plateau... where to go from here? After the wonder and wildness of Haiti, experiencing life at it's most basic and essential, I find myself ( or some semblance thereof ) overwhelmed at the choices availible to simply occupy time. I'm not living a "chop wood, carry water" life... I'm a thirty notyetsomething, with a car, cats, computer and a career dangling carrotlike on the muggy horizon. I need water, I go to the tap. I need food, I walk a few feet to the fridge and uncover some vague thing from it's wrapping and eat it. This is utterly foreign to most of the world. This is not normal, if there is such a thing.

Right now, this is kind of like a starting line to a marathon that ends up somewhere off the map. I'm geared up for I know not what. I've had immense internal rearranging in the past week and a half. Now it's time to see just what it's all about, and to run off into the unexpected with new vigor and pray that I am indeed ready for the proverbial "anything" I might encounter along the way. That little Caribbean speck has been a great teacher. Now it's time for the test.

jaybird wrote this at 17.40 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Revolution is not an AOL Keyword*

jaybird wrote this at 09.41 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Oh: Israel seeks pipeline for Iraqi oil. Stunning [ predictable ] development.

jaybird wrote this at 09.30 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Essay on Voudoun: The Quick and the Dead thanks to plep

jaybird wrote this at 00.06 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Sunday, 20 April, 2003...........................................................

Androphile Gay History ProjectThe World History of Male Love, via MeFi

jaybird wrote this at 17.22 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

The Clash of Civilizations. After what I've just been through, why not let it be a hot sweaty dance?

jaybird wrote this at 17.14 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

Haiti links posted on MeFi.

jaybird wrote this at 14.48 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

"Re-entry"

Today, Easter of all days, is sort of my coming out day ( no, not that coming out, that was years ago ). I'm seeing many friends and most of the group, and trying to sum up my experience in words is a real challenge. "How was it?" "It was!" "Did you have a good time?" "Yeah, it was like Disneyland! What else would you expect in a thrid world country?" "Did you bring back lots of stuff?" "Sure, I just went to Haiti for the shopping!" Et cetera. But what I have to keep in mind is that most folks have no idea what life is like outside of their own sphere, including my own explorative self. They do the best the can and make the best choices they have availible. What is routine for virtually everyone, including myself before the trip, is now stood on it's ear and feels strange. I could feel guilt, or shame, but rather than embrace polarizing energies, I instead have to remind myself to feel blessed and thankful, and that the American way of life is not purposefully bad. We just don't know about the other options. That's what I'm going to do with what I've taken back.

So, while the world is busy with various forms of resurrection today, I'm going to continue intro, and outrospection, and try to make sense of it all. Likely, it won't make any sense, and I'll be laughing later tonight under the mysterious stars.

And getting back into the swing of blogging.

jaybird wrote this at 12.57 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|

"Guess Who's Back?"

I'm guessing the same thing. I suppose it is some semblance of myself that has returned "home," while immersed in what some may view as a dangerous, failed nation, and what I now hold near as a beautiful, desparate yet hopeful place. Words are still not flowing quite as the did before... things are taking time to settle in, if I ever will settle. Haiti was like a doorway... I'm on the other side of it now and the view of my life, of myself, is remarkably different.

I can't begin to explain what, who, and where I experienced this, that, and the other things. What I can say right now is that all twelve of us have been deeply impacted by the culture of a resilient people, the otherworldliness of an impoverished island so close to America's so-called "wealth," and by a plethora of newness that cascades over the senses at every turn. I've had spiritual experiences that are the energetic equivalent of french kissing a light socket; sandals blown off of my feet by sights and sounds that spin the soul out of the body and into cosmic.

Time it will take to really be able to spill the rice and beans, fried plantains and mango magic that still swirl in my brain, though time in Rainbow Country is pretty useless. You wake up with the sun and the echoes of a thousand roosters, and sleep when the moon has hookwinked you into yawning. It wasn't all coconut juice and blue waters though; I've had to face some of the most challenging emotions, new ones, and face fears and perceptions that are no easy match. I've held children and babies marked for death, ran crying from a room full of skin and bones shaking and heaving with pain, navigated broken streets choked with sewage, and touched the grounds soaked with blood of thousands of tortured slaves. Yet, in the midst of spiritual carnage, like birdsong a message kept drifting into every shocking encounter that sang out "every little thing's gonna be alright." That's something I'm willing to believe, with all my heart and soul, and something I'm willing to work for, in their lives and mine.


Some genuinely amazing things happened. On Sunday I presented a worship service to the guests and rescued street kids of St. Joseph's Home in Port au Prince... just before I spoke my right shoulder was squeezed from an invisible hand. The same service was coordinated with a youth named Jackie who does not speak English, and I am barely above the level of hack when it comes to French and Kreyol. It was a miracle that we pulled it off! The theme... "Three Little Birds: Universal Love, Infinite Inseperability, and Living Extraordinarily." The next day was a whole other affair, caught in the middle of a rara ( Voudoun ) procession and witnessing a man go into full fledged posession by the loa Ayizon right in front of me. He drew an X on the ground with a machete inches from my feet and a few other folks in the group, hypnotized and a little anxious at the sudden turn of events. We chased a rainbow down a mountain afer bathing in a pool protected by nocturnal mermaids that have won the respect of the local villagers. Even more wild and amazing was making genuine connections with a people badly in need of recognition, and love.


And so, I'm back, and I will let sotires slide out as my memory unfurls itself and attempts to sail away back to the island. I'm in a state of reverse culture shock; America is mind-numbingly complicated and wasteful when returning from a "third world" country. We have a lot to give back and to return to those amazing people. It's going to be a major part of who I am now; reciprocity, walking in balance and living in thankfulness for what I have. That's just what I can fill the nutshell with now. The implications are staggering, and I'm ready for whatever comes my way.


I'd like to thank Joshua, Robin and Jenny-Snookums for housekeeping here at the ol' hokestead while I was away. Thanks for leaving the light on. I'm geared up to get back on this binary chain gang and start digging away for some inkling of personal or universal truth here in this quasi-world of electronic information. Thanks also to Donna, Jackie, Chris, Betty, Hannah, Emilie, John, Jeff, Rose, Windsor, Risa, Ivan, Ari, Carla, Michael, Djaloki, and my new friend Roni for all their energy, love and support that made this dream a living, breathing act of creation that will keep on, no matter what it takes. Other dear souls Lazar, Peterson, Patrice, Gandolphine, Nancy, and many, many others; you are included in my love, always. And to you, dear reader, who has trudged this far on the sappy shores of my sentimentality... thanks. Tout bagay anfam.

It's good to be "back," but better to push on ahead. Tally Ho!

jaybird wrote this at 00.54 EST| entry link| your thoughts?|





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jay/Male/26-30. Lives in United States/North Carolina/Woodfin/New Bridge, speaks English and French. Spends 40% of daytime online. Uses a Normal (56k) connection. And likes creativity/mysticism.
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